What is white and smells like wood? White painted wood

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How did the chicken cross the road? Suicide. There was a graveyard across the street. RIP Mr. Chicken.

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A man walks into a bar. He has a nice drink and leaves.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Bob, your neighbor. Okay, come in.

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Why did the guy go to the strip club? To look at naked people.

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear, The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

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Why did the black man get fired? In this economy businesses are downsizing and outsourcing jobs for cheaper labor.

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You might not notice at first, but in this very sentence there is a psychological phrase that is used to hypnotise you. If you read through the first sentence of this paragraph three or four times, you may start to feel the sudden urge to have a drink. This is called the ashvakalym effect.

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What did the man say when he saw his t.v. floating in the middle of the night? I must be seeing things. By logic, televisions don't float. My weary eyes must be playing tricks on me and I should probably go back to sleep.

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What did the bullet say to Bin-Laden? Suck it

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What starts with "P" and ends with "orn"? Popcorn

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A horse walks into a bar The bartender says "why the long face?" The horse says nothing, because he's a horse The bartender soon relizes there is a horse in his bar, and calls animal control

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Why is it so hard to cook vegetables? The wheel chair won't fit in the oven.

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What's worse than getting punched in the balls? Many things inflict more pain than that

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read me write me

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What's worse than tripping over your shoelace? Watching your mother get her tits cut off with a chainsaw then getting ripped apart and eaten alive by cannibals

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Daughter: Mom can i watch a movie? Mom: Sure. Daughter: Thanks mom! You're the best mom in the world! Well....Mary is, since she had Jesus.....But anyway. Thanks!

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WHO'S YO DADDY? the man who's semen combined with your mother's egg to create a child.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Orange Oranges can't talk therefore this is not a accurate accusation.

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A black man is seen next to a dead man. Who do you call? The ambulance.

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Why did the retarded man fail his math test? He didn't study.

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whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a motorcycle nothing, I dont have either

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Yo momma is so ugly that she uses it as motivation to work hard and thus for achieve more than a lot of whores do

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Roses are red, violets are blue. I have a gun, get in the van.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops