Q. Whats red and smells like blue paint? A. Wheres my tractor?

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Why did the boy break his leg? Because he fell off a building

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Why can't Scrillex fish? Because He is too busy to practice fishing.

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5 blondes walk into a bar They all leave very intoxicated and die in a car accident shortly after.

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I got stopped for speeding the other day. The policeman said I had to pay a £50 fine. I was gutted. However, later that night I had amazing sex with my wife, which helped me to take my mind off things a bit.

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Why was the man happy to see his wife dead? He beat her

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How do you get your lawyer to shut up. Hit him with a bat.

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A Christian and an Atheist are in a bar, the Christian turns to the Atheist and says "If you don't believe in god you will go to hell." The Atheist replies "Your Mom doesn't believe in god." And then turns around to order another drink.

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why did the chicken cross the road? it wanted to why did the bubble gum cross the road? it was on the chickens foot

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What did the lampshade say to the other lampshade? Nothing they sat in silence

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Why was the Mexican man in the rich man's garden? Because he enjoys flowers.

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What did Rebecka black say on Thursday? Today is thursday.

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Why didn't Cheryl's mother recognize her when she was wearing a blue shirt and jeans? Because Cheryl's mother has Alzheimer's.

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How can you finally get your girlfriend to scream in the bedroom? Store the bodies there.

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What's the most confusing day in Mexico? Father's Day.

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A black man walks into a bank with a gun and askes where the safe is then procedes to shoots 3 white men inside of it. Everyone thanks him for stopping the armed bank robbers and he lives out the rest of his life in happiness for he is a hardworking cop and risks his life to save others.

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how do you make a plumber sad? Kill his family

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I am not physically scarred, rather mentally, lets just say my childhood was a lot less than pleasant, I got no idea where you got that "Nero lost an arm" thing, I got both arms working. But I guess I often feel alone because only I can feel, see and experience the pain of the scars a terrible childhood has left me with. You are right though, it is easy to give up saying that humanity is not ready or worthy, making me feel as Dr.Doom or something alike, hidden behind some suit of armor still ashamed for things I know that I am not, but that still burn deep within my mind. PTSD buddy, it does not matter if I logically believe that I am competent or not, when my past is engraved, etched into my soul, constantly telling me I am not, so helping others is actually pretty easy, yet saving myself, I do not know how anymore, it is easy to change the minds of those that have not been broken time after time physically and mentally by those which they love the most. I will heal, your words are inspiring, thank you.

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Think of a number 1-10 Now add 39 Divide that by 20 Subtract two Now close your eyes.. Dark isn't it?

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what has four legs but cant move? dead dog

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Q: What did the floor say to the Christmas tree? A: Your balls are hanging.

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My grandma told me to always keep my head up and just keep going. She fell down a manhole last week and died.

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Did u hear about the jew that bought something not on sale? Neither did i.

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rozes r read violots r bue i cannt soell causse ima bliend

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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