Two guys walked into a pub... and they totally redecorated it! It was brilliant.

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whats long, orange, and comes out of brown stuff? -a carrot.

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Q: Why is it when geese fly in a V that one side is longer than the other? A: There are more geese on that side.

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a white van was driving really slow and he stopped in front 3 children. "do you want some candy" the old man said. the kids took the candy and the old man drove away happily, knowing he made someones day.

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Do you know why the kid jumped down the 50 foot hole? I dont know, jump in and ask him.

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why did the boy eat his lunch money? it was his lunch!

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Oh please! Come on! Those that got to us where mostly Russians remember? And what where my parents? (if you do not know you might have guessed it by now) I found a guy that looked about the same as me, messed him up and put my jacket on him, I do not die that easily. Anyway, id explain more, but I have been without these fucking painkillers so long that I am talking trash on this stupid site again... Seriously the pain I am used to, but this addiction on painkillers is a bitch... (shedog if censor got a hold on it) But it turns out I cant sleep without them, sleep just does not come anymore, so Ill go get some now. Who are you by the way? I am Nero7, Aka Axel Knight.

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Bill: Wanna know the difference between knowledge and wisdom? Joe: Sure Bill: Knowledge is knowing that an apple is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.

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Why was Jacob not allowed to play sports? He fell down in the middle off the street and got ran over 50 times and could never do anything again.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Most poems rhyme This one doesn't

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What did the empty bar stool say to the one next to him? "You look like you have a lot on your shoulders!"

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What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

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Why did the turtle fall out of the car? It forgot to buckle up

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Whats worse than the holocaust? Sex with helen keller.

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Wanna hear a joke? Me neither.

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What's worse than 50 dead babies stapled to trees? 47 dead babies stapled to trees (it's better if it's a nice, round number.)

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A Mexican guy, a black guy, and an ISIS member walk into a bar. The black and Mexican men, realizing the potential danger in the situation quickly exit the bar and alert the proper authorities. $

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. Some poems rhyme, but this one doesn't.

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Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. Does it really matter?

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YOU

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A student goes up to the teacher because he has to go to the washroom. The teacher tells him that he has to sing the ABC's before he can go. So the boy sings, "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ." The teacher said he did a perfect job and could go to the washroom. The boy went on to become a billionaire. Congrats!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it looking for food for it was starving to death.

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Why was the man's foot hurting? Because he was being fed into a wood chipper

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What did the farmer say after the chicken started talking? Holy shit a talking chicken

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops