Why did the orange cross half way across the road Because it ran out of juice

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So i know this guy... yes? thats it.

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You know its time to leave when she wake's up out of her coma and your balls are on her chin.

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Barack Obama is a good president.

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What's the difference between cancer and my grandmother? She doesn't have cancer.

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What's the difference between a duck and a bicycle? They both have handlebars. Except for the duck.

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Batmobile? Robin, get in the Batmobile.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, when the bass droped, my balls did too.

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What do a plum and a small bunny have in common? There both purple except for the bunny.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilate was a loaf of bread.

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Your momma is so old, she qualifies for multiple financial aid programs provided by the government.

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What's the difference between Jam and Jelly? You can't Jelly your dick into your girlfriend's ass.

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Why did the man walk into the bar Because he was an acoholic

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A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The rabbi survives.

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roses are red violets are blue i'm chinese and i don't know a joke pickle.

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Knock Knock. Who's There? I don't know. I'm paralyzed.

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Whats luckier than finding a lucky penny? winning the lottery.

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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Mack: Hello Jonathan: Hi Mack: My name is Mack, what's your name? Jonathan: My name is Billy Mack: You liar! I'm reading this post at anti-joke.com and whenever you reply, your name shows Johnathan! Johnathan: Well Mack, I guess you broke the 4th wall. By the way, this joke is over in 3, 2, 1...

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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What's green and can read your mind? Nothing. Some people thinks the answer is a plant but don't listen to them because they are wrong.

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There is a hawk and a squirrel sitting in a tree. a farmer walks by with a strange package so the hawk turns to the squirrel and says nothing because he is an animal and incapable of speech, he then eats the squirrel because he is a bird of prey.

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What do you call a zebra with no stripes? A zebra with no stripes

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What's worse then finding a worm in your apple? Getting a handjob from Edward scissor hands

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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