What happens when you cut a body in half? An erection.

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What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs at night? An experimental animal mutilated then exposed to radiation.

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About numbers, it was 180 mg of valium... And I am going to live becausepeople got there in time, my heart never stopped because luck, the doc was only making a joke about me "having ingested enough valium to die at least twice". Sanders, I just got your girlfriend to agree to a threesome, if my banana ever wakes up again, AND WHEN... Thou areth forgiven, btw I sent him a picture of Line`s unshaved vagina, and a note stating: U recognize this? Find out more on horsehead network! Meh His name is Anders something Chattington, yeah for all that know him, guess whose finger is on her unshaven... Yeah, maybe you should not have messed with a guy that can have ANYONE. Ps: Then its your mother, then your sister which is 17 (and pretty 16 is legal here so fuck you Chatty!) and then I SHALL STRIKE THY WITH THE VENGEANCE OF A THOUSAND SUNS! Because you are forgiven, which I cant even remember what means, I mean I know I am typing my experiences here, but thats only because I remember by muscle memory where the buttons are, said the doctor... I can still play Snes emulators... Not, because my numb fingers cant click anything and Line is gone. I TOUCHED HER ALREADY YA KNO! YOU SAW THE PIC, My skin is tan, and... well you know she is here... The best part? She is totally okay with you knowing, sayonara pal, id watch the "fluor" in your mothers pussy the next time you eat it!

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So I was making this glass of milk right? So I get the milk out. And I get the soup out.. then I go...wait a minute...where'd the glass of soup come into this glass of situations? *smile+awkard pause because nobody will laugh at this=Success of this anti joke...try it*

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today in aa we were telling stories one of them was: that a girl put a wet cat (to dry it) in the oven

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i like punching orphans in the face, you wanna know why? what are they gonna do? tell their parents???

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What's the difference between a picnic table and a Mexican? A picnic table can support a family of four.

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What do you call a mailman who doesn't deliver mail? Unemployed

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Three girls are walking in the woods they see tracks one thinks it is a bear the other thinks it is a deer the last one thinks it is a lion They all argue till they get hit by a train and realized they were train tracks

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Roses are red, Violets are blue; In Soviet Russia, POEM WRITES YOU!

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What's the difference between a jew and a boyscout? Boyscouts came back from camp

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"Knock knock." "Come in."

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Why didn't the scientist discover a cure for apathy? He simply lost interest in it.

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I met a hot girl in the Tampon aisle and i asked if she wanted to hang out in 5-7 days

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I walk in to a bar, ask for a beer, get drunk, walk away and.... hmmm.. how could I finish the joke??..

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-It ain't over till the fat lady sings -she just did -oh, I guess it's over then -k

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“DTF”? Says Will. “No” says Harper.

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What starts with "F" and ends in "uck" Firetruck.

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What do you get when you cross Dracula and a snowman. Probably a little startled from the man's Dracula costume and a little chilly because the weather is cold enough to support a snowman.

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Charles missed the stop sign. Charles can't read.

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what is purple and smells like poop? very weird looking poop

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what do you call a white man who appears to be standing on water? a surfer

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How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker got for Christmas? He's his dad. He bought the presents.

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Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? Getting yours asshole clawed by a grizzly

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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