What do you call an arab with a beard? How cares what his name is just shoot him!

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What happens when you walk around with a kick me sign on your back? you get punched in the face. How are you supposed to know it says kick, you cant see your own back.

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What do you call an anti joke that's not funny? Non-existent.

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How did Jesus walk on water? Jesus is God in the form of a man, and he is the only human being ever with the ability to perform miracles

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Why did the man jump into the river? He wanted to go for a swim, but the pool was closed, so he swam in the river.

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A child walks into a bar. He finds to find his dad passed out in his vomit, the bartender realizes the dad left the kid in the car, and he is arrested. The kid grows up traumatized by the experience, and becomes a substance abuser just like his dad.

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Whats the difference between a dead baby and a corvette? I didn't get 20 years for owning a corvette.

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Answer: because he had no guts

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whats flat and useless? the walls of an abandoned house where land prices are increasing and properties are in high demand

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So a jelly bean walks into a bar. The bartender asks him "whatchuu doin here jelly bean" the jelly bean doesn't respond and sits there awkwardly because he neither speaks English nor has the brain capacity to move or breathe. The bartender closes the store and comes back the next day to find the bean in the same awkward position.

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(two firefighters are climbing an undersea mountain in Brazil) Why do elephants fear the natural causes of silver icecream cones? Because the cars in the parking garage jump the moon while doing jumping jacks.

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What can you tell by a black guy who walks into a bank with a ski mask on? His face was severely disfigured in a horrific accident.

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What did the man say when he saw a alien? "Look its a Alien"

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Did you hear the one about the avalanche that crashed into the bar? It was such a tragedy.

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Why did the dog run away from home? Because the owner left the door open.

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Why did the priest go to jail? He had sexual relations with young boys.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was commiting suicide

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Why did Gina laugh? Because something was funny.

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Your momma is so fat when she heard about the quater pounder she thought it was for a quarter.

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What's worse than a monkey attack. Nothing monkey attacks absolutely blow.

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Robert Dupra getting a girlfriend.

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Two muffins in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says nothing, because muffins cannot talk.

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Just so you are warned here folks, some of the jokes down here are really nasty, like you know... Antijokes... But luckily you got my family friendly stories about sex, incest, panties, grenades, dripping Meows, yeah... Regular family show stuff... IT HAPPENS TO US ALL! Right? Please tell me right? Riiight? Right? Yes? Phew, okay, for a moment I actually thought you where gonna tell me I was normal...

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Why was Johnny sad? He had a frog stapled to his face.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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