- Anti Joke

A man walks into a bar a bartender says, 'why the long face'? the man says 'I just walked into a bar'!!!

This night was a particularly stormy one, many a crop destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could emotionally blind some. Jonny lived in Ristoville, a secluded village atop a hill. Citizens of Ristoville were frightened for there lives, all but Jonny, that is. Jonny was bullied from a young age, approximately 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest, full-time. Fear shined in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope, expectation and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going to venture into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He pondered this, and ultimately came to the conclusion that there will be nothing worse out there that Uncle Clive's "Magical Basement of Happiness". Jonny sat his mother down in the family's precious leather chair, looked her in the eye and whispered a sweet farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible, so now he is armed with the fact that his father is there for him, to help him further his adventure. Finally, Rosie Harrison, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Crystal Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless failed suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonathon's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her fragile little ears as Jonny walked away. He grabbed his stash of Cool Original Doritos, took with him a couple cartons of Apple and Blackcurrant Ribena, got his Grandfather's lucky medallion and his inhaler and took his first step outside. He whipped out a carton of Ribena, used the straw to puncture a hole through which to drink, strongly crumpled up the carton, slightly spraying pure fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the drooping wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and with a cry so intense, shouted, "Nothing will stop me!!". Jonny died shortly after of HIV induced AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 3 to 5 years, depending on behavior, in a high security prison for child molestation, frequent and consistant child abuse and paedophillia and smuggling Crystal Meth. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

pleas help someone is in my house i think hes trying to kill me i'm not even joking.

A jewish man walks into a bar has a drink, then walks out of the bar.

Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a tomato.

why did stuart buy an ipad from the mall. because he wanted an ipad

Omar the Magnificent is performing a huge magic show at a theater in New York City. His final trick will be to have his assistant saw him in half in front of the sold out crowd. Omar never knew how other magicians perform the trick. The crowd of hundreds watches Omar's assistant brutally murder him onstage and many require mental therapy for years to come.

You're rowing a canoe upstream and a wheel falls off, how many pancakes can you fit in a dog house? None because icecream doesn't have bones.

Q. Why did the man walk away from his wife? A. Because he wanted to walk away from his wife.

Yo mama's so fat she threw a rock at the ground and missed.

What's worse than r-a-p-e? Gang r-a-p-e.

im 14, over weight and spotty! you interested? .... im desperate:)

Roses are red, violets are blue, some poems rhyme, others don't

Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house? No. Well, neither has he.

what did the deaf guy say when the poor man asked how life was? the deaf guy didn't respond considering the fact that he was deaf and would never interact with a poor man.

Whats really down a black hole? I don't know...The last person to go down one never came back because he died of AIDS.

why did the plane crash? because the pilot was a tomato.

What do Kobe Bryant and a toaster have in common? They both rape white women. Except for the toaster.

what does I.C.T mean when a teacher says it it means I cant teach

Two Jewish men are walking when they see a penny on the ground. They continue walking because pennies are not worth picking up in today's economy

how do you keep a monkey from stealing your banana? shoot it

What is green and smells like paint? Grass, it doesnt smell like paint, I lied.

why was 6 afraid of 9? because 7 ate 9 and 6 is afraid of ghosts

Why did Timmy drop his ice cream cone? Because a skyscraper landed on him. Yes. A skyscraper.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops