Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead

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Do you know how to save a drowning laywer? Approach with caution as drowing victims can panic, thus pushing you under. If possible throw a floatation device rather than go in yourself, or hold out a stick and instruct them to grab one end while you pull them in with the other. If necessary perform CPR. Call an ambulance and monitor for hypothermia.

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Guy 1: What the shit is that car? Guy 2: Its not a car. It's an alfa romeo

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A duck walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Put it on my bill."

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was Tuesday!

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What is the way to a man's heart? Through his stomach. With a knife. Then then go up a little.

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Yo mama's like Darfur: Everyone feels bad for her, but nobody offers any substantial assistance.

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A drunkard walked into a bar, and up to the bartender. He proceeded to **** the **** until he ******. I proceeded to break down in immense frustration over censorship.

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How do u get a baby to stop crawling in circles? Nail its other hand to the floor

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When Hitler was a girl she had hyjenical warts and when she got older she had beast cancer.

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Why didn't the condemned man seek a reprieve of his execution? He forgot.

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Stop making fun of Stevie Wonder, you dont seen what he has.

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Who has, there are like... Well actually I might have watched them all, downloaded them in a torrent... A LEGAL torrent of course... NOT. Well, you get a hint, it looks a lot like Mickey Mouse, and its a trick question since Mickey Mouse was not actually drawn by Disney, so yeah.

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A detective? I think more about that chip and dale thing, that was not funny, the classics are okay I suppose, but that newer thing detective-ish maybe. Uh... Do I get a clue? I have not like watched all of them.

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There was a bunch of kids on a bus. One boy yelled "Look a squirrel!" Nobody saw it because he's dyslexic

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how do you have sex? i dont know im under age!

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why did the elephant cross the road? It was the chickens day off

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What do you call a Muslim flying a plane? A pilot.

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What's big and black? An ant i lied about in being big

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A dyslexic man walks into a bra

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What did one dead baby say to the other dead baby? Nothing, they are both dead.

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What happens when you run over a black man? It is most likely that he is killed.

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What was the blind man doing on the bridge? Getting struck by lightning.

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How do you get a dog to stop humping you? Pick him up and suck his dick.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops