I'm Stephen Hawking, and I'm a PC.

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Little kid asks his mom: "Why do zombies eat people?" His mom says: "Becasue honey, your MEAT"

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will you like this joke my sources say no

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You are so ugly that for Halloween you had to trick or treat by phone.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Doctor Harold Boo, I was your grandmother's primary caregiver, I'm here to inform you that she died of a massive heart attack.

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Why did the black guy drink the kool aid? Because there was a glass of kool aid next to him and he was thirsty.

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So there were these two ovens in a muffin. One oven said "Holy fuck it's muffiny in here." The other oven said "Holy fuck a talking oven!"

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Why is the country in a national deficit? Because the Illuminati want to control all human beings in a socialist new world order.

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DEAD ON KANE ITS BEEN ALL YOU ABD CAOIMHIN

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A Russian gentleman walks into a bar and requests a vodka which the bartender promptly supplies. Shortly thereafter a Turkish gentleman enters escorting a Llama on a leash and requests a vodka to which the bartender responds: "Your animal is not allowed on the premise, I am going to have to ask you to leave." The Turkish gentleman apologizes for his ignorance of the local customs and excuses himself, and shortly thereafter the Russian finishes his Vodka, pays, and leaves as well.

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Why was it really gross when the blonde dove into the swimming pool? Because the swimming pool was full of phlegm!

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What's the difference between you and a bucket of shit? The bucket and the shit. You're a human being.

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I'm on the seafood diet, a large proportion of my daily food intake consists of fish.

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What do you call a girl who has slept with five guys? Her name.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Yo Dawg, I heard You Like Kittens and Volcanoes... So, I threw Your Kitten In A Volcano.

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give me a gun or i will shoot you i dont know what with but i will kill you so run run or i will come and get you

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How do you get a blonde to eat crayons? Threaten to kill her parents with a hacksaw.

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What did the nun eat for breakfast? Baseballs.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A Jew is a person who adheres to the Jewish faith and claims a cultural or ancestral connection to the Jewish people, and a pizza is an oven-baked, flat, disc shaped bread usually topped with tomato sauce and mozzarella and then a selection of meats, depending on taste and culture.

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Why did Sally sell seashells by the seashore? Because she has no arms and couldn't find a job.

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How to you stop the world from ending? You dont the world has been destroyed 5 times over again before and it will most likely happen to us one day.

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What did the Liver say to the Heart? Nothing, Organs can't talk

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whats worse then being a jew now? being a jew in 1942

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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