How do you make 5 lbs of fat look good? Draw a smiley face on it.

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What's the difference between a Mexican and a bench? A bench is an inanimate object and a Mexican is a human being.

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Hazel and Gus are two teenagers who share an acerbic wit, a disdain for the conventional, and a love that sweeps them on a journey. Their relationship is all the more miraculous given that Hazel's other constant companion is an oxygen tank, Gus jokes about his prosthetic leg, and they met and fell in love at a cancer support group.

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Your mom is so ugly that you should buy her a paper bag to cover her face because she is just so very unattractive that it burns mine and everyone else's eyes.

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this last joke was a correction to the other one

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, My name's Dave, Microwave!

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A duck walks into a store and asks the clerk, "do you have any grapes?" The clerk says no, and the duck leaves. The next day, the same duck walks back into the store, and asks the clerk if they have any grapes. The clerk, slightly annoyed, says no again, and the duck leaves. The next day, the duck walks back in and asks again if they have any grapes. The pissed off clerk says, "No, and if you ask again i'm gonna nail your feet to the floor. The duck leaves. The next day, the duck walks back into the store, and this time he asks the clerk, "do you have any nails?" The clerk says, "Yes." The Duck leaves.

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What did the black man get for christmas? A present.

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Guy 1:Whats the difference between a towel and toilet paper? Guy2: I dont know Guy : SO IT WAS YOU!

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Want to hear an urban legend? There's a straight feminist.

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Why was the black man afraid of leaving his house? Because he has severe agoraphobia and cannot function normally in society.

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What do you call a women with two black eyes? Someone trapped in the cycle of violence that is domestic abuse. The few friends and family members she still speaks with tell she should leave. They don't know about the last time she threatened to leave him, when he held a gun to her throat and screamed "You try an leave me I'll kill you and your precious god damn babies!" Now she suffers silently for fear of what he might do to her family, but is increasingly worried about the way her husband has begun looking at their 13 year old daughter. Every night she kneels at the foot of her bed and prays for death, over the sounds of her own sobbing and her husbands drunken rage. Also she is a slow learner.

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Three drunk llamas wearing sombreros are walking down the street. They walk in silence, lost in their own thoughts.

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An old friend of mine had an idea. "Socks, but for your hands." I laughed until the day I heard he died of chaffed penis.

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Why could'nt Ray Charles read: He was black

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Why was the boy sad? A crazed drifter killed his family and made him watch.

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knock knock whos there **gunshot ...man that gun show next door is annoying

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Knock knock. Who's there? Cargo. Cargo who? Cargo beep beep.

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Did you hear the one about Helen Keller? Neither did she.

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What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can't drown babies in roast beef.

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What song did Buddy the elf sing for Santa on his birthday? Happy birthday

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Ashton Kutcher meets a fine cougar at a bar and the cougar fatally wounded his throat.

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Why did the chicken cro- Oh. He got run over.

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How do you get a camel out of a desert? a helicopter

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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