Why couldn't the blind man see his friend? He was behind him.

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The first cow: are you worried about mad cow disease? the second cow: no, im a helicopter

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What's yellow and can't swim? A bulldozer.

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What does Santa give to a naughty child who wants coal for Christmas? Nothing, Santa doesn't exist.

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A man gets a new job working for his boss. The boss gives him more and more work and less pay. The man finely gets fed up, beats his boss in a fight, quits his job, and starts his own business. Historians later speculated that the man's life would serve as a perfect national allegory for the USA.

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How can you ruin someone's day? Tell them their mother has cancer. No really, I found out my mom has cancer a week ago.

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What do a mole and an eagle have in common? They both live underground apart from the eagle.

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Your mom is so fat, that last night after reading and edition of Cosmo, she skipped dinner and cried herself to sleep due to her inability to live up to such an unrealistic feminine stereotype.

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What's 8 foot tall and can't breathe? Ryan Eisenhour

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why did the black guy say he was ridin' dirty? because its been weeks since he last took it to the coin op, he's busy working as an I.T Specialist.

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What's short, white, and is sick and tired of your shit? A toilet. What's white and killed Elvis? Also a toilet.

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Did you hear why the peanut got arrested by walking next to another peanut? One got a-salt-ed

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How do you get a clown off a swing? You kill him with an axe

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What did the biker do when he heard about Kony 2012? He became a social activist and did his part by contributing to the cause.

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A white man walks into a bar. He stabs 4 people and 1 escapes with extremem blood hemorages. his fanily later finds him bleeding on their family car. They take him to the hospital where he is put on life support. Later that night they are told there is nothing the doctors can do and the man slips away in his sleep. Who is to blame? The black guy in prison.

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A black man a white man and an asian man walk into a bar have a few drinks and on thier drive home run over a three year old little girl and here to month old sister and they go to prison for the rest of thier lives (they shouldn't of let the asian drive)

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Your mother is so fat that it became a problem affecting everyone close in her life. Her new year's resolution was to lose weight, and surprisingly, has become quite healthy since then.

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A boy walks into his friend's house for a party. While he waits for his friends to return from the bar he realizes there are many people waiting in different lines for various kinds of drinks. After his friends return he decides he does not want any of the carbonated drinks they had ordered, instead he chooses to wait in the fruit punch line. There is no punch line.

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jack and jill climbed up the hill but they were bagels

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Welcome to the anti-joke Olympics! As you can see ladies and gentlemen, our contestants are starting to look very excited as the "who can look the most bored" competition is just about to begin! We are terribly sorry to announce that as for the butterfly style contest, all of the butterflies drowned :( While at this corner, we can see these contestants have been waiting patiently for hours for the "who is the most impatient" contest to begin! While over here, none of our contestants have yet to make a chicken cross the road and tell them why! In the meantime watch as we mistreat these Jews in order to find out what is worse, the holocaust or a worm in your apple! So far our contestants with worms in their apples are complaining more, but dying significantly less, how will this end! How exciting! Finally our swing contest has been cancelled as Sally refuses to get on it! Moral: BUT WILL IT BLEND!

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What do you get when you cross a cow with an elephant? A deformed organism

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A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!" Surprised, the grasshopper replies, "You have a drink named 'Bob'?"

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Q: Why does the man smell so bad? A: He doesn't shower

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A man is walking on the beach and discovers a lamp in the sand. He takes it home to polish it. Eventually it looks like new and he gets a fairly reasonable price from an antique shop.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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