Whats the difference between a duck? Both legs are of the same length. Especially the left one.

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One spooky halloween night, three lonely outcasts walk down a dark street, no longer begging for candy. A cold wind blows through the night air and something rustles in a nearby bush one kid walks over to the bush and picks up his dog "OH THERE YOU ARE, BUDDY!"

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Why was the tree sad? Because a bird shat on it.

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What do you call two dog? dogs

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whats ironic about a white van being white the driver usualy is not

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Why was the little boy crying? Because his older brother was forcing him to pee on an electrical socket.

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Why did Amy fall off the swing? Because she had no arms Knock knock Who's there? Not Amy

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What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye-patch? Names.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the van

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Why did it look like the girl peed herself? Because she peed herself

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Whats brown and sticky? A antelope.

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What do you do when your dish washer breaks? divorce her.

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why did CJ cry?he just ate a pie full of meat from his favorite animal.Pig

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whats brown and stickey? a brown stick

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Did you hear about the kidnapping in New York? He woke up.

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Why did Gina laugh? Because something was funny.

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Well, first of all, what I have overcome both mentally (trauma) and physically (lots of shit) is in the past, lets leave it there. Second yeah, I can basically shift my sense of left and right at will, meaning I can choose which arm to write with, and write things mirrored without even thinking about it, I can fool my senses basically, one second I struggle playing the piano because I have just trained with one, then I make my brain believe I have been practicing with both, its simple, but complicated to explain, while my ears are perfectly normal, I got two sets of balance nerves, it just gets more complicated from there.

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What happened at the 21 year old's birthday? She tried alcohol for the first time. She partied. She danced, She's dead. Open case.

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Q: Why is asprin white? A: It works.

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop? Depends. Are you applying a lot of pressure and licking in short, round bursts, or are you softly suckling on the treat? Your mouth's pH level is also a determining factor, as the sucker digests at a quicker rate the higher the acid content. To put it simply, there is no correct answer, because the sheer quantity of variables makes it a tootsie-less endeavor. See how I said tootsie-less rather than fruitless? Now that's a real joke.

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What's blue and thrashes about on the floor? A baby playing in a plastic bag. How do you make a man pregnant? Stick a dead baby up his ass! How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole? Stick a javelin through it's head. How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them. -S

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock Whos there Not Susie What did Susie get for Christmas? I don't know , she never opened it. Who high fived Susie? No one Why did Susie die? She got shot in the face

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he saw some pandas spooning.

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What headphones does the farmer use? He is going through a financial struggle at the moment and cannot afford such a luxury.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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