What's the difference between Asians and buckets? I don't use Asians to scoop water out of the lake.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A hindu and a muslim walk into a bar. They start arguing over their different fundamental religious beliefs and then considering it is an american bar, an american christian extremist quickly shoots them both for being " from that part of the world"

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why was the Magic: The Gathering player a virgin? Because he was underage and it would have been immoral for him to have had sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did the cat say to the chicken? Meow

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What would you do if I walked onto your property and started to smash up your mailbox with a sledge hammer? You would be very scared and most probably call the police.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

-Knock Knock? -Who's There? -David Baxter. -David Baxter Who? -Wha- What? What do you mean "David Baxter who?" We were best friends in high school. YOU WERE THE BEST MAN AT MY WEDDING!! *David Baxter proceeds to cry, as he doesn't know of his dear friend's Alzheimer's disease*

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A guy takes out his club and hits a baby seal with a fine for $50 for littering and threatens to smash the seal's favorite ceramic figurine with the club if he doesn't pay the fine. The man is a park ranger and takes littering very seriously.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do you call an earthquake on Mars? There is not enough water on planet Mars for something like that to happen.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why was the black man crying? His wife left him, took his children, and most of his possessions in the divorce.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What is a turkey? The offspring of a turtle and a monkey.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

what cuts the grass on christmas eve and lives in mexico? JP I lied about Mexico jackin it in san diego

thumb_up thumb_down +2

what do an elephant and a mouse have in common? nothing

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the man take a shower?, he didint smell so good...

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Two hunters are in the woods. One of them clutches his chest, falls to the ground, and loses consciousness. In a panic, the other hunter calls 911 and tells the operator that his friend might be dead of a heart attack. The operator says "Before we send a coroner instead of an ambulance, first make sure he's dead." The hunter says "Alright." There is a pause and then BLAM! "Okay," says the hunter, "now what?" The operator follows standard procedures to keep the hunter on the phone, lucid and calm. 45 minutes later, police reach the scene, arrest the hunter and begin a months-long investigation. Forensics determines that the dead hunter was likely alive prior to being shot in the face at point-blank range. The defendant is charged with first-degree murder and receives a 30-year sentence. On the 9th year of his sentence, he is stabbed in the chest 6 times by an initiate in a rival prison gang and dies the next day. He was 53.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do you say if you see a floating TV at night? Wow a floating TV. It's amazing how far technology has progressed throughout the years.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why was the black man running? he was participating in race for the cure, a charity event where all proceeds go to breast cancer awareness.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

roses are black your mamas white i didnt mean to say it but it's right

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did the electron do after losing his proton? Trough electromagnetical forces, the electron simply left it's atom, making it become a positive ion. Then, atracted by other atom's magnetical force, it joins the other atom's last vallence shell, creating a negative ion, since there are more electrons then protons in the atom in issue.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did all the boys come to my yard? Because of My milkshakes

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's short, white, and is sick and tired of your shit? A toilet. What's white and killed Elvis? Also a toilet.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did Batman tell Robin when they got to Gotham City? -Robin, we got to Gotham City.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why couldn't the black man play hockey in college? He died of cancer while still in high school.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down

Knock knock "Honey, could you get the door?" "I'm tired of doing everything here! Get you ass up and do it yourself!" "Well why don't you just go back to bar you whore?" "This marriage was a mistake, I'm going back to mother!" They divorced 5 months later.

thumb_up thumb_down

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops