What's the difference between a Mexican and a bench? A bench is an inanimate object and a Mexican is a human being.

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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Q-How do you kill an elephant? A- An elephant gun Q- How do you kill a blue elephant? A- A blue elephant gun Q- How do you kill a red elephant? A- Strangle it until it turns blue then use a blue elephant gune Q- How do you kill a purple elephant? A- Don't be ridiculous purple elephants don't exist

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Roses are blue Violets are red I'm colour blind Which is sometimes quite annoying

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Aodhan, Kevin, Taggart and Caoimhin walk into a bar. They have drinks and then leave.

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What do you call a black man in space An astronaut

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What is the first letter of the alphabet? A. a B. 7 C. Mustard gas D. Because a penguin has 2 legs

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What did the one alcoholic say to the other? We are both alcoholics

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Windows are likes prostitutes. You can have two in the front and two in the back!

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what do u call a black guy who sells drugs a pharmacist

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A man walks into a bar and says, "I'll take a drink."

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How do you stop a clown from smiling? Hit him in the face with an ax.

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Why does Tim Tebow kneel and pray after there's a positive outcome of the previous play? No, seriously, why does he do that?

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Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupter. Interrupter who? Interrupter Jones.

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What do you call an elephant mixed with a rhino? A freak.

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Where did the duck hide its pail? UNDER THE STAIRS!!

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Whats black and yellow and is funny when its falling off a cliff? A bus full of niggers.

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Why did the midget cross the road? He needed to buy a ladder

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Kys

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A man with Tourettes walks into his Daughter's kindergarten classroom. Fortunately, he was able to control himself and refrain from any outbursts of profanity during the visit.

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Why can't Hellen Kelller drive? Because she's a woman.

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Looking's for free... Touching's for free.

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how do you get a clown off a swing. hit it with an apple in his nuts

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Why did Dom move to Wales? Because he is poor!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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