How do you kill a blind man, run over him in slow motion

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A turtle walks into a bar. The bar tender says "what will it be?" the turtle doesnt reply because its a turtle and the bar tender is sent to a mental hospital for talking to turtles.

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What did one ginger say to the other? W are both gingers.

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Why did the fat guy pick up a noodle from the floor with his buttcheeks? He felt like pasta.

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Why did the little girl drop her ball? Because she was done playing with it.

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A little boy was walking down the street when a strange looking van stopped next to him and the man driving asked the little boy where he lived, where his mother was, and if he wanted a puppy because he had some in the back seat.... The boy proceeded to enter the van. The man then handed the child a puppy and promptly drove the boy home.

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Why did Timmy fall down the stairs Because he is blind and I pushed him

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Roses are red Violets are red Bushes are red Why's my garden on fire?

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Why does a clown wear makeup? So you can't identify him to police after he shoves your kids in his tiny car and drives away.

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The umpire asked the baseball coach "Who is that on 1st base?" The baseball coach said "Who." The umpire said "Yes, that's what I'm asking." The baseball coach handed the umpire a list of his players to avoid any further confusion.

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Q: What lives in holes? A: Jerks.

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What's worse than breaking a leg? Breaking two legs.

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Jack and Jill went up the hill. It was in the middle of winter and they froze to death.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He felt like crossing roads that day.

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Why didn't the policeman stop the bank robbery? He wasn't there

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Why did the crossing guard drop his whistle? Because a kid got hit by a passing elephant.

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Q. What do you get when you cross a bird with a human? A. Arrested.

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Once there was this duck. he was the best dentist in the world...

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a baby in your closet.

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why wasnt the baby cute? -because it was dead

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How do you make someone to shut up You tell them to SHUT UP!

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Why do black people eat fried chicken? Because black people are usually stronger than chicken. If they weren't, chickens would probably eat fried black people.

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Your flying on a canoe, and one of the wheels breaks off. How many pancakes does it take to fix it? Trick question there is a gorilla on board.

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Patrick, I just thought of something funnier than 24. Lemme hear it. 25.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops