How do you wake up lady gaga? First you simply whisper in her ear telling her to wake up. If she doesn't, simultaneously whisper and tap her gently. If you have failed to achieve your accomplished goal, repeat step two however intensely touch her and project your voice when telling her to wake up. Step three, get a... WAIT WAIT!! I just waisted 20 seconds of your life, you're never going to meet her.

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Man walks into an apple store. Shortly after he leaves with a fully charged phone.

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Future last words Guess who edition: "This new prototype Ferrari XZ handles like a God even at full speed!...Well, if God had no brakes and his turning ability suddenly disappeared when going at over 300 kilometers per hour that is..." "Uh oh now! Another heart attack! Where is mah medical weed? SHAAAAAROOOOOOON!" "Please haters, lower your guns, I will stop singing! Beliebe me!" Moral: "OMG I AM ONLY THE SIXTH MOST USELESS THING NOW!" "MY BODY IS NOT READY! Urgh mah chest... CHAROOOOOOON!

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Ok,here's one, my brother can sometimes do it! Ok. Think of a number between 1 and 10 Add ten Add ten Add ten Add five Add five Take away your original number \~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\ _______________________________________ Is your number NOW, 40? Was your original number 6? Click thumbs up if that WAS your answer! ????????

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What's Black, White, and Red all over? A Cow in a giant blender...

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Why did the kid lose his mom? She was shot.

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A bear walks into a bar. The bear is then shot by the bartender with the shotgun kept under the counter.

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Three men are facing a firing squad. They are all promptly executed. Even if they were to escape by distracting the executioners, they would no doubt be shot down before they could get for.

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How many dead babies does it take to fill up a car? Dead babies should be reported to the police and not be stuffed into cars.

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1 tip for a flat belly so eating so much u fat bitch

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What's black and white and red all over? Half of a zebra.

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you know its foggy outside when you step outside and its foggy outside.

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No, you would have made me unhappy and yourself miserable, until you truly value who you are, as we that still look up to you to this day, you wont see the greatness within you.

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If life hands you lemons you're probably hallucinating

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Why did the boy collect poop? Because it was it was his dogs shit.

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How do you kill a turtle? You can't, it has a shell for a reason.

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Yes and no, you would have ruined what is beautiful yet different within your soul.

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What's black and white and red all over? A domestically abused bi-racial woman.

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on a scale from voldemort to nigel thornberry, how big is your penis?

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what is the difference of a bag of dead babies and a trampoline? I take off my shoes when I jump on a trampoline

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Q: Whats the difference between a trash can full of dead babies, and a porch? A: A porch isnt in my garage.

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What did the cowboy say when he went into the car showroom in Germany? He commented on the models and designs, and asked to try a few out. Then he left, saying he would consider buying one but didn't want to commit too suddenly or too soon.

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What's worse than a worm in your apple That one time I rapped and killed your mom, oh and happy birthday prick

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What's green and brown, and if it fell out of a tree on you it would kill you? A billiard table?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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