How do you confuse a black man? Call him from a blocked number and I say "I love you"

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What's long hard and full of seman. A submarine.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? A bug in your nut.

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why did the chicken cross the road? it was making its way home after a long day of luckless job interviews

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What did Batman say to Robin just before they got in the bat mobile? Robin,get in the bat mobile.

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why did the man beat his wife? why not?

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What's a Gigawat? I made it up.

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how much kush does it take to get kushagra high

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Q: What did blue say to red? A: Let's make some purple

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it has a serious crack addiction and there was a drug dealer on the other side.

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What would make African women very happy? food and healthcare for their kids, and a proper education.

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How do you wake a sleeping bear? Kick it.

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Why did the Chicken Cross the road? Because it did...

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What did the farmer say to the cow that asked for food? No.

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Why did the bear turn red? Because he was emBEARessed. Nah just kidding, a hunter shot him.

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"Lassie, Lassie, come quick! Timmy is in the well!" "I'm a dog," replies Lassie. "You folks have ropes, ladders, and opposable thumbs. What the hell could I possibly do to help?" With that final act of disobedience, Lassie was turned into fertilizer.

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who do you call when you see a ghost in your apartment? The Mental Hospital.

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Whats blue, green and red, and runs trough the strees each sunday? ...What? I have no idea, I was hoping you did.

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Q: What's worse than having a terrorist throw a fridge at you? A: World War 5

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A man with tourettes walks into a bar, due to his disease he shouts unexpected profanities across the room; everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the pressure anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom and pulls out a gun and points it at his head. HIs wife of 15 years walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to conceive. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man diagnosed with touretts then goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. After he killed everybody he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentanced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man with touretts still cannot control his ticks and rots in jail everyday screaming obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, and the very next day, I died because I didn't have a heart.

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Roses are Red, Violets are Red, Everything is Red, Retinal Hemorrhage.

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A bloke walks into a bar. He doesn't say 'ouch' because it was a public house and not a hard surfaced object as you may have thought initially

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Why is elmo sad? He was brutally raped by Dora :D

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops