Roses are red, Violets are blue, I like saying the colors of flowers, Delphiniums are also blue.

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How do you make a toddler run faster? Chase it with a lawnmower.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know why the fuck he crossed the road, I don't know what he is thinking.

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What's the difference between a stepfather and a turkey? A stepfather is a man who married a woman who has already had a family with another man but the man does not mind because he has fallen deeply in love with her and wants to spend the rest of his life with the woman. A turkey is completely different in many respects.

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A man and his wife are disagreeing about what type of car to get. The wife continously nags him about getting her something that will go from 0-200 in 4 seconds, so he gets her a scale and buys himself a truck, 1 min later an abulance is called because the wife hit the husband with his new car.

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I'm so stupid that I'm posting on Anti Jokes!

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Roses are red Violets are blue You think you're smart But I've got a plan for you.. Leaves are green Stems are too You lied to me Now I will shoot you.. Violets are blue Roses are red You made me angry And now you are dead.

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You are in a room with hitler and bin Ladin. You have a gun with 1 bullet. Who do shoot? Don't worry you don't have to make that decision. They are already both dead

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Jeff comes home from a long day at work. As a result he is very tired. So, he decides to go to bed.

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You are in an airplane, and you have 500 bricks. You throw one out the door. How many do you have? 499. What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a fridge? 1-open the door,2-put the elephant in,3-close the door. How do you put a giraffe in the fridge? You open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, and shut the door. The lion king is having a party for all the animals… which one didn't go? The giraffe, it's in the fridge. An old lady is trying to cross an alligator infested river. She makes it over. How? The alligators are at the party. She dies anyway. How? She gets hit by the brick you threw out of the window.

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? A. Treadmil

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What do you say to a confused blond? You help her with her conundrum.

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Why didn't the Mexican have a job? Because stereotypes made employers unjustly reluctant to hire a hard-working, competent man.

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whats the worst kind of homework? child abuse

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Where did Sally go when the bomb went off? Everywhere.

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Hey dude. who died.... crickets crickets crickets crickets crickets crickets crickets crickets YO MAMA

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what is similar between a turtle losing its shell, and a man selling his chlothes and house? they are now both naked and homeless

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Did you fall on your head when you were a baby Oh, Im very sorry.

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i threw my line in the toilet the fishing was pretty shity that day

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On Wednesday night, a drunk man was walking on the cliffs of dover. his funeral was saturday.

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How many dead babies can you fit inside Casey Anthony's trunk? Trick question. She didn't do it.

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Your mom's house is so old, that she has rats and other various critters such as spiders, gnats, and mosquitoes.

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours Stolen propety....

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Three men walked into a bar. The fourth one ducked.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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