What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean? Dead.

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What's orange and not an orange? An orange.

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A pilot walks into a bar just before his last flight of the day. "Give me a stiff one to get through this last flight, I've had a long day," the pilot tells the bartender. The bartender promptly refuses the pilot service and kicks him out of the bar, since operating an aircraft under the influences of alcohol would at least constitute gross negligence and at worst, murder.

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Yo momma's such a whore that she violates the sanctity of marriage by sleeping with men other than her husband.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Probably because this chicken had a mental disability and saw on the news that there was a hospital on the other side of the road that could treat his illness and possibly save his life, allowing him to fulfill his life-long dream of retirement. But knowing that chickens do not possess the brain power capable of understanding the situation that this chicken was in, it had probably gotten lost and just wandered off.

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I went to the bookstore to buy me a Where's Waldo book. I looked through the store and couldn't find it anywhere.... Well played waldo, well played.

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Why did the chicken cross the road It was being dragged to the other side by fox It's the way of life _._._

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People who find just saying 69 is the funniest thing ever.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven kind of looked like an alligator.

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A giant storm loomed over a village atop a hill. Citizens were frightened for their lives, all but Jonny. He was bullied from the age of 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest. Jonny Harrison, was going into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? Jonny sat his mother down, looked her in the eye and whispered farewell. He wished his father the best wishes. Finally, Rosie, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who has been through 13 interventions and countless suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonny, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her ears as Jonny walked away. He took with him a carton of Ribena and his lucky medal and took his first step outside. He took the carton of Ribena, crumpled it up, spraying fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and shouted, "Nothing will stop me!". Jonny died shortly after of AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 5 years in prison for child molestation and consistant child abuse. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

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You can lead a horse to water, and you can pick your friends, but you can't sneeze with your eyes open.

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Yo momma's such a whore that she violates the sanctity of marriage by sleeping with other men other than her husband.

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I walk into a bar...

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Why is a bird when it flies? Because the higher it goes the much.

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A man had sex with his secretary. She was his wife.

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knock knock who's there? doorbell repairman

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How do you make a mess? Microwave a baby.

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Why did the car catch fire? It was parked in Ferguson, MO

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Why did the puppy get shot? It lived in Detroit.

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Do you know how I know you're gay? 'Cuz your dick taste like shit.

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Contrary to the popular saying, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away," if you get cancer there's nothing an apple can do...

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Knock knock. Who's there? Boo Boo who? I don't have a last name, it's just Boo

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Knock knock! Who's there? Alzheimer's Alzheimer's who? To get to the other side!

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WHY IS THIS SENTENCE CAPITALIZED? BECAUSE CAPS LOCK IS ON.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops