What is your name, sir? My name is not Sir, my name is Jeff.

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roses are red, violets are blue. you've got Alzheimer's, it sucks to be you

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Why did the Mexican mow the lawn? The grass was getting to high and needed to be trimmed.

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Q.How do you scare an emo?? A.Run after them with plasters

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How do you get a Blonde to brake her nosebone? You put your dick under a glastable! QQ

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Having a giant, angry ape on steroids rip your heart out and eat it before your eyes as you painfully die from the unbearable pain and rapid blood loss.

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What should you do if a stranger picks you up? Politely request that he put you down.

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Why did the child not go to his mother's funeral? He was adopted, he didn't know his real mom.

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What's black, white, and red all over? And interracial man with multiple stab wounds.

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chuck norris was bit by a snake, a few hours later he died

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for christmas?? - Cancer

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Whats worse than 10 babies nailed to one tree 1 baby nailed to 10

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what happened to the kid who opened the goldfish? he got eaten by a cixelsyd dinosaur

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What do you call a cat that growls? A cat

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what is white on top and black on bottom Society What is black on top and white on bottom Rape

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Q:What did the turtle say to the jaguar? A: Well, a turtle and a jaguar live in totally different habitats, turtles live in water while jaguars live in grasslands, so it would be unlikely for them to cross paths and communicate. Turtles and jaguars are unable to speak and, if a jaguar were to talk to a turtle, the turtle would be unable to make out words because turtles can only pick up vibrations. And, they would have nothing to talk about.

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A man is in a bar with a drink A lorry driver come in a gulp the guys drink down The man starts crying the lorry driver says"don't cry I will buy you another" The guy says "it's not that: Today I woke up late for work and when I finally got there my boss fired me so I get in my car to go home and it wont start so I walk home while it's raining and when I got in I found that my wife was sleeping with the gardener so I came down here and asked for some poison and you went and drank it"

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why did the cookie go to the doctor? he had to get a physical to be eligible for his school's football tryouts. his mom drove him there but was very careful not to get his hopes up too high since his chances of actually making the team were slim to none based on the fact that he had no arms or legs but only succulent chocolate chips in every bite.

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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Chuck Norris and Bane recently had a fight on a bet. The result was Bane won easily as he is the much bigger and stronger man, and Chuck Norris lacks the skills he once possessed as a younger man as he is now 72 years old.

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What is the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn't scream in the oven

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* pretend your an orphan Knock knock Who's there? Not your parents.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sugar is sweet. You're adopted.

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What's up with women with there jewlery it's there's best friend,but a black man's best friend is reames..

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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