My cake is yummy, It's icing is blue. It will always be mine, Come close and I'll punch you. So stay away from it And you will be safe, But if you dont listen, Prepare ice for your face!

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Yo mama is so stupid... She didn't graduate high school.

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What smells like diarrhea and looks like poop? A rotten banana.

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a older brother and a lil brother have bunk beds, one night the older brother has his gf sneak over, they are going to have sex. he tells his gf, "say lettace for a new positon and say tomato for stop", they start and she screams, "lettace, tomato, lettace, tomato". then the lil brother says " will you guys stop making salad, ur getting mayonase all over my face!!!!"

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Yo momma so old some said act ur age and she dies

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How can a hobo become rich? It can't. It died from food poisoning from eating food out of the trash.

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How do you confuse a Muslim? - Rub his belly.

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How many Jews can you fit in to a car? Well depending on the car 2-8

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What is the easiest method of making multiple women fall head over heels? Have a wingman help you raise a rope at the start of a women's running race.

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A rapist leaps out a woman and yells "surprise!" and proceeds to have non-consensual intercourse with her. Later, he is arrested by the police and charged with sexual assault.

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What does a cookie and the twin towers have in common? They both crumble.

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What do you do if you are surrounded by 2000 Hungry cannibals? You talk to them in a calm yet determined diplomatic voice, then you become a part of them. Moral: A part of them... Forever.

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Why was the boy crying? His mother has terminal cancer, and his father does not have the financial stability to cover the cost of the surgery and keep up on house payments and buying clothes and food for the children. He will be living in a foster home in a matter of a week.

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What did the man say to his wife before she made him a sandwhich? Do your job and make me a sandwhich.

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What's the difference between a chicken and a bartender? A chicken is a domesticated fowl, a subspecies of the red junglefowl. As one of the most common and widespread domestic animals, with a population of more than 24 billion in 2003, there are more chickens in the world than any other species of bird. Humans keep chickens primarily as a source of food, consuming both their meat and their eggs. A bartender is a person who mixes and serves alcoholic drinks at a bar. also bar-tender ; 1836, American English,

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a man walks into a bar, when he leaves he thinks he can hold his liquor and kills a mother and two children attempting to drive home.

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When life gives you lemons.... Don't eat them, because you're probable hallucinating, and you don't know where they came from.

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What happened when a star exploded? It killed billions of other sentient beings.

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I don't always drink beer but when I do, I viciously beat my wife and children.

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—Conversation started today— My God, why have you forsaken me? Seen 6:00 PM

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Why did the little boy fall down the stairs? I pushed 'em.

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Q: What happened when Cupid shot his arrow into the guys heart? A: He died

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wake n shake = wake up and masterbate to a picture of drew e mom o.O

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Beethoven! It is true? Did you really lose your hearing? Yes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops