- Anti Joke

What starts with f and ends in u-c-k? a:****

A man walks into a bar... And orders a glass of beer to cool himself off after a long day at the quarry.

Why did the chicken cross the road? It was running away from KFC.

If a chicken and a half lays an egg and half in a half of a day how long does it take a monkey with a peg leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle?

What's black and white and red all over? A plague victim.

Why did the black man get a zero on his SAT? He was up so late helping orphans with disabilities that he fell asleep during the test.

Q: How many Jews are there in Germany? A: None, they all died in the holocaust

Trump will make America great again.

what's the square root of pi? nothing. why would you add roots to pie, how gross.

What is the difference between a dead baby and a Ferrari. There isn't a Ferrari in my garage.

YO MAMA'S SO , A STUPID, THAT SHE PUT 2 QUARTERS IN HER EARS AND THOUGHT THAT SHE WAS LISTENING TO FIFTY-CENT!!!

A man had just got done with work and was driving home through the country side when his car broke down. He turned the key and the car didn’t start so he turned the key again and it didn’t work so he started walking and walking and walking... and walking and walking and walking some more. And finally he came across a farm. He knocked on the door (knock on something) he knocked again (knock on something) he knocked again and finally the door opened (make the sound of a door opening). (In old man’s voice) what can I do for you sonny. The man said that his car broke down a few miles back and asked if he could stay there for the night and call for a tow truck in the morning. (In old man’s voice) sure but under one condition the old man said. And the old man walked out to the barn opened the barn door (make the sound of a door creaking). He moved the hay bale (make a thumping noise). Under it was a trap door the man opened the trap door (make the sound of a door creaking and then a thump). Under it was moldy, old, damp, steep steps. They walked down the steps (Make the sound of steps creaking (multiple times)). They walked down the narrow corridor and walked and walked and walked some more. Finally they got to a giant glass door the man pushed it open (make the sound of a door creaking). They walked and walked and walked some more. Finally they got to an iron bared door. The man opened it (make the sound of a door creaking). Then they walked and walked and walked some more. Finally they got to a large open room and in the corner was a cage and in the corner of the cage was a black figure (make sure you don’t say it was an ape). The old man said (In old man’s voice) don’t touch it and so they. Then they walked and walked and walked some more. Finally they got to an iron bared door. The man opened it (make the sound of a door creaking). They walked and walked and walked some more. Finally they got to a giant glass door the man pushed it open (make the sound of a door creaking). They walked and walked and walked some. And finally they walked up the moldy, old, damp, steep steps. (Make the sound of steps creaking (multiple times)). He closed the trap door (make the sound of a door creaking and then a thump). He moved the hay bale (make a thumping noise). Closed the barn door (make the sound of a door creaking). Walked to the house and went to sleep. The man had a dream about touching the figure (make sure you don’t say it was an ape) and right as he touched it he woke up. He thought nothing of it and went back to sleep. He had the same dream and woke up. He went back to sleep and had the same dream and decided to go check the thing out (make sure you don’t say it was an ape). He walked out to the barn opened the barn door (make the sound of a door creaking). He moved the hay bale (make a thumping noise). Under it was a trap door the man opened the trap door (make the sound of a door creaking and then a thump). Under it was moldy, old, damp, steep steps. He walked down the steps (Make the sound of steps creaking (multiple times)). He walked down the narrow corridor and walked and walked and walked some more. Finally he got to a giant glass door the man pushed it open (make the sound of a door creaking). He walked and walked and walked some more. Finally he got to an iron bared door. The man opened it (make the sound of a door creaking). Then he walked and walked and walked some more. Finally he got to a large open room and in the corner was a cage and in the corner of the cage was the black figure (make sure you don’t say it was an ape). He goes up to it and sees that it had changed places. He studies it more closely and sees that it’s a giant ape! He’s about to touch it and says to himself no I shouldn’t touch it the man told me not to I shouldn’t do. And then he’s about to touch it and he pulls his hand back and thinks I should get out of this place when I'm not paying attention I'm going to touch it and then he feels something fuzzy on his hand and looks at it and his hand is on the ape. Then he starts to panics and thinks what have I done. But strangely nothing happens and starts to wonder about why the man told him not to touch it. And then the ape starts to stir. The man runs for it. After a minute of running he hears the cage burst open (slam in the table). He gets to the iron barred door and slams it shut (thump on something). After a few seconds of running he hears the iron barred door burst open (slam on the table) then he slams the glass door shut (thump on something) and after a while hears the glass door shatter open (slam on the table) he quickly gets to the stairs. Runs up them as fast as he could slams the trap door shut (thump on something) throws the hay bale on (thump on something) slams the barn door shut (thump on something) slams the barn door shut(thump on something) he starts running for the car and starts trying to get his key out of his pocket while he runs he get to the car fumbles his keys around to find the right one finally finds it and unlocks the door puts the keys in and turns it and nothing happens he turns the key again and nothing happens then he realizes that his car has broken down. He tries to calm down and realizes that he hadn’t heard the ape break out of the barn and must have had a very hard time getting up the small steep stairs. Then he hears these repeated thumps (thump on something (many times and get louder)and figures out that it’s the ape running then it stops all of a sudden… (thump on something as hard as you can)and then he heard this loud crash on the roof. then the ape punches through the roof and destroys the passenger seat and then rips off the roof. Picks the man up holds out his pointer finger and says (in a deep menacing voice) tag your it and runs off into the distance.

Several ways to annoy people: Grab the end of their shirt to blow your nose Try to shove a bowling ball down there throat Try to sell them a broom and vacuum Try to eat their babies paint their toe Nibble their ankles Ask if you can babysit their crystal and if they say no start whining Carry around your chicken and ask if they want a nugget

Dogta I don got da aids yeah? Well Sigh... Man I am so sorry, I got the positive, and the uh.. Good news... Whats the good news? I hate you! Whats the positive news? You dont have teh aids.

A lonely man walks into a Self-Esteem class. He sits alone in the back because of his low self-esteem. Forever alone.

Why did the black guy get a boner? The nitric oxide levels in his trabecular arteries and smooth muscle of his penis rose, causing his arteries to dilate and therefore enlarging his penis.

Person 1: Why don't you want to date me? Person 2: Because you are ugly Person 1: Why am I ugly? Person 2: Because you have bad features. Person 1: Why do i have bad features? Person 2: It's your genetics. Person 1: Why is it my genetics Person 2: Cuz that's the way god made you Person 1: Why? Person 2: Because god's god made you Person 1: Why Person 2: Because the god of god of god made you Person 1: Why? Person 2: That's the way the god of god of god of god of god of god of god of god of god of god of god of god of god of god of god of god of god of god of god of god of (GOES ON FOREVER!!!) made you.

There once was a plain Cheerio. He has a decent life with a low paying job and an apartment. One day, he decided to make his life more fun and started going to parties. He met some women and had a good time. He was happier and was soon promoted at work. The next day, he woke up and tasted himself, only to discover that he was now a Honey-nut Cheerio. He continued to go to parties and met a girl that eventually became his girlfriend. He became a manager at work and moved into an expensive condo. The next day, he woke up and tasted himself and was a Frosted Cheerio. He then quit his job and opened a club, where he became the most popular Cheerio in town. All guys wanted to be him, girls with him. At one party, his girlfriend asked him for some punch. He went to the kitchen but couldn't find any. There was no punch-line.

A Man thought it was a good day and to go on anti-joke.com then he saw a post that had a link. This man was you and the link was http://minedgamez.tk/beta/ The man then clicked the link and fucking laughed so hard xD. She died in a car crash. Then a pickle appeared. It was then eaten by you not realizing it was actually a hamster.

Why did Christopher Columbus sail to America? Because sailing was faster than swimming.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? The answer is not definitive and involves several factors including the size of the woodchuck, the woodchuck's teeth, the climate in which that woodchuck lives, and the tenacity of that particular woodchuck at achieving his goal.

How did the fat guy servive the plane crash??????? He bounced

A man is at the dentists. The dentists says, "Oh my, your teeth are terrible!" The man says, "Yes I know. I am addicted to Meth".

What do skeet disks and Jewish babies have in common? Hitler used to shoot them out of the sky.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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