Why cant i stand up? Cause i shat my pants

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what has 911 got in commen with most bank robberies? all r inside jobs

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Why did the blonde fall off the cliff? She was blind and deaf so she never knew where to go, and her parents kicked her out for her problems. It is a sad situation that noone wants to go through

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i was born with 99 medical problems, and the difficulty to count till 100.

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awkward moment when someone pretends to be Mr. Bear and stuffs up his own joke

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What has seven legs and cant walk? A paraplegic, and I lied about five of those legs.

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A Russian Irish and American beat up on a Canadian. the only thing wrong with that is i forgot the , in between the races. but on the good side the Canadian was Justin Bieber

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Why did Michael dye. Because he was dyslexic and a plain fell on his noggin.

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try to find the 1 thumbs up if you find it! 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Why did the little girl run to her mother? Because she saw a police inspector, who had already tried to kill her several times that week, aiming a poison dart at her forehead.

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what happens if you fart to hard? A.you shit yourself

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Why didn't junior say thank you for his christmas present from his dad? He was raised by two moms

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I'm on the seafood diet. I eat clams and shrimp because it is healthy for me.

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Life is like a box of chocolates. Sometimes you get the shitty coconut ones.

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A blonde went to a hair dresser's one day, listening to a walkman. The hair dresser asked her what she wanted, and the blonde replied, "I need to get my hair trimmed, just make sure that you do not take these headphones off." The woman looked at the blonde, surprised, but did as she was told. While she was brushing the blonde's hair, she accidentally bumped the headphones, knocking them to the ground. As she bent down to pick them up, the blonde fell over, onto the floor. The hair dresser was very confused. She picked up the head phones and listened. This is what she heard..."breath in...breath out...breath in...breath out..."!

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why did the white man walking down the street have no hair? he had had cancer for 5 years prior.

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A bartender sees Jesus Christ, George Washington, and Adolf Hitler walk into his bar. The bartender is drunk.

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What did the atheist say to the jew. Well first they had a long discussion about religion and the jew was actually made an atheist. Truly the work of God.

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how many jews does it take to change a lightbulb? none, they hire mexicans to do it

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Bob Saget that is all

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Why was the drunk person arrested? He said to a police officer "I'm gay, so shut up you b****."

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Whats the same about a jew and firewood? They both burn.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Sunflowers are yellow, Daises are white.

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Why was the plumber sad? Because his whole family died in a plane crash.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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