(SAY KATCHUP AND LICKER AFTER EVERY SENTENCE) FOR BREAKFEAST I HAD (KATCHUP AND LICKER) FOR LUNCH I HAD I SEE MY GIRL FRIEND AT THE MALL SO I (KATCH UP AND LICK HER

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Roses are red, Violets are blue.. And IDGAF!

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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Someone: I like my coffee like I like my men Someone else: Black? Someone: No, tied up, shoved in a burlap sack, and dragged through the mountains.

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Roses are red, violets are purple.

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What is the crunchiest part of a Vegetable? It depends if by Vegetable you mean the food or the disabled human incapable of carrying out simple, daily tasks, in which case this joke would be referring to canibalism.

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Knock knock Who's there? Hi would you be interested in learning about Scientology? No

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Q:Whats worse, being chased by a chainsaw or being dunked on by LeBron James? A:Since a chainsaw has one of the sharpest metal blades know to mankind, it would be the chainsaw. Although this reguires effort, it is a known fact that Lebron James has been dunked on by some kid at Xaiver, so I would think the chainsaw would hurt more.

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Q: A blonde, a red-head, and a brunette all jump off the bridge at the same time. Who hits the ground first? A: As stated by Sir Isaac Newton's third law of gravitation, all three fall to their deaths at the exact same time because the velocity of a falling object is unaffected by the mass of that object... or their hair colour. Idiot.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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A farmer hears a knock at the door on a rainy night. He opens the door and welcomes an attractive young man in. The farmer gets his budding teenage daughter to fetch the man a towel. He dries himself off, thanks them both, and goes to bed. He's gone before anyone else wakes up and leaves a fifty on the table.

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A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks "why the long face?" The horse replies, "my wife has cancer."

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What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye-patch? Names.

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Why did the hunter shoot the deer? Because he was hungry and might starve to death if he didnt

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whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? this overused joke

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A momma tomato and a baby tomato are walking down the street, and the baby tomato starts to fall behind. The mother turns to it and says "hurry up."

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How to stop a baby from crying? Hit it with a brick

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A man with Azheim - Eh, I forgot what it was called.

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What do you get when you cross a cat and a dog? A dead cat.

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*The doctor walks in* Knock knock. Whos there? Doctor. Doctor Who?

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What is the difference between a black man and a Chevrolet? They didn't sell Chevrolets in the 1800s.

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What happens when you give a guinea pig a cherry? He turns into satan.

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What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can't drown babies in roast beef.

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A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic and his problem is destroying his family.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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