Jack and Jill went up the hill. But it was winter and they froze to death

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How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Stab her.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where is my tractor?

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why did Timmy fall off the the slide? he was hit by a plane why was Jimmy laughing? he watched Timmy get hit by the plane

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Why did the man remain calm when the judge passed the death sentence? Because he was in another country and had no connection with the case.

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Whats worse than burnt toast? Getting molested

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Two boys go down stairs on christmas day. They fall and die.

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How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

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Welcome to the anti-joke Olympics! As you can see ladies and gentlemen, our contestants are starting to look very excited as the "who can look the most bored" competition is just about to begin! We are terribly sorry to announce that as for the butterfly style contest, all of the butterflies drowned :( While at this corner, we can see these contestants have been waiting patiently for hours for the "who is the most impatient" contest to begin! While over here, none of our contestants have yet to make a chicken cross the road and tell them why! In the meantime watch as we mistreat these Jews in order to find out what is worse, the holocaust or a worm in your apple! So far our contestants with worms in their apples are complaining more, but dying significantly less, how will this end! How exciting! Finally our swing contest has been cancelled as Sally refuses to get on it! Moral: BUT WILL IT BLEND!

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What happens when you mix bleach and ammonia? You eventually die of respiratory failure from inhaling chlorine gas and possibly an exploding toilet.

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What happens when you divide by 0? Sadly, you don't.

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Why was the little Asian boy crying at the county fair? He had just watched his entire family get brutally crushed beneath the weight of the old ferris wheel as they went to get on. Never would he forget the painful screams of his mother as her blood splashed onto his white t-shirt. Never would he forget the police car ride to the foster home when it all sank in that they were truly gone. And never would he forget the abuse his new parents would inflict on him daily. But what would forever torment him most were those screams. Those persistent screams that woke him in the night until the day he died many, many years later.

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Haikus are easy But sometimes they don't make sense Refrigerator

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? He wasn't.

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"Hey! Did you get a haircut?" "No, I just started chemo..."

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a father listens to his son while he was on the computer. he heard "BABBY BABBY OHHHHH" and busted in He was releaved to find him masterbating to porn because he thought it was Justin Beiber

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Why doesn't my mom make dinner anymore? she died in a fire on my birthday.

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why did the boy stay home from school? it was saturday

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What's the difference between Rick Perry and a toaster? One is a republican presidential candidate, while the other is an electrical appliance.

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Why did the parents order the 16 year old daughter to move out of Virginia? Because she lost her virginity

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When is a Jew the sleepiest? Depends on the time really... some people sleep and wake up on different biological calendars.

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What do you get when you cross bread an eagle, a wolf and shark together? I don't know, but I'm pretty sure it will kill all of us!

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You have 37 candy bars and you give your friend 12. What is the square route of the sun? Yes

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Why didn't little Billy's parents get him the new toy he wanted? Little Billy's parents are dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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