What would Abraham Lincoln do if he were alive today? Scream and scratch at the lid of his coffin.

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hi mom

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-Your momma is so ugly, she wasnt a model. -Am I supposed to be caring?

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"What starts with an 'F' and ends with 'uck'?" "I don't know, what?" "'Firetruck.'"

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Q - What do you call a hamburger without pickles? A - You call it a hamburger just without the pickles.

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What do you call a black astronaut? An astronaut you racist

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Magic! Well not really, you see, people that are stressed have the tendency to remain far longer into the state of hypnosis because their body conciously and subconciously (I am typoing it, but I cant bother to type it correctly fuck it) seek out the state of peace that hypnosis gives more often. Anyway, I know another thing that helps relieve stress, cough... Now, did you know that if you push your nose upwards slightly, you will feel a finger between your legs? its because nerve endings are connected that way, give it a go.

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Why did the monkey eat the pineapple? IDK, ask Sam D

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Why couldn't Helen Keller Drive? Because she was a woman.

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Q: What did the Lone Ranger say when he saw his horse coming? A: Here comes my horse.

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Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? She didn't own a car.

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How do you make a clown happy? You sucks it's dick

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Why did the mathematician go to jail? Because he killed his wife.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm.

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A Black guy and a Mexican are in a car. Who is driving? The black guy. Its his car.

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What did the butler say to the guest while his master is in the bathroom? Butler: "Sir, will you wait while the Master bathes?" Guest: "How long will he be, I'm quite busy!" Butler: "He shouldn't be long sir, he should be finishing up now."

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Did you hear about Billy's magic trick? No? Don't worry, it was a trick question.

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What's the difference between sand and menstral blood? I can't gargle sand

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Why can't Helen Keller drive a train? Because she's blind.

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Anti deep thoughts, by Fabian Monge'. The other day while parked at a stop light i was looking in the rear view mirror at the person who was blowing his horn at me. I then realized that while i was looking back at him the light had been green for a while. I then thought that i had better drive forward because i was holding up traffic, and that it was very selfish of me to waste other peoples time like that while wondering what was going on behind me instead of what was happening in front of me. In the time it took for me to come to this conclusion, i had wasted another few seconds of someones time. How very selfish of me.....

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While out looking for sex last week I met a hooker who looked like a rhino. I said to her, "Do you charge?" She said, "Sir, I am arresting you under the Street Offences Act 1959. You do not have to say anything. But it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court."

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What did the blind man say to his best friend? All i see is darkness and i want to end my life

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? It really depends on the make and model of the car, as well as the relative size and weight of the people in question, but legally you can only have as many people in the car as there are seatbelts available for them.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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