.Ttwo guys walked into a bar. The third one ducked.

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What do you get when you cross an owl, with a bungee cord?..... My ass.

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Ask me if I'm a truck. Are you a truck? No.

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Knock, Knock.. Whose there? Its the Census Man!!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He had no conscience and therefore was not able to backup the very reason that he crossed the road.

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What do you call a man with leaves on his head? Steve, he's on camouflage training in the Army.

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What's black and dangerous? A fridge, I lied about the black part.

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Yo momma is so ugly that she should probably consider suicide

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why did no one like Ashley? because she was a bitch!

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What's worse than failing a test Drowning

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What did the old man say when those damn kids stepped on his lawn? Nothing one of those kids killed him around three years back....

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Want to hear a joke? ... Oh dear, I can't think of any. Golly, this is embarrassing.

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Knock, knock! Who's there? orange? orange who? orange ya glad i didn't say your family was dead.

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your mom is so stupid that she is suffering from down's syndrome, and has a shorter life expectancy than normal people.

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? I don't know but you're a sick person even thinking about it.

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A man with a badly injured arm is sitting in a hospital. He says, "Doctor, when my arm heals, will I be able to play the violin?" The doctor says, "Yes, with proper medical attention and rest, you will be able to." The man says, "That's great! Before I was hurt, I really enjoyed playing the violin."

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Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on a doorstep? A: Matt.

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Q:What is usually pink, brown or black, usually big and comes out smaller, which goes in and out of your mothers mouth? A: Could be lots of things really... Moral: But we all know what you imagined you sick bastard!

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What's a fun place to visit on the weekend? Uranus.

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your goin down...aint no tomorrow...wha bang bang

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I was on Skype with a girl yesterday and she asked "Do you want to see something?" "No," I said "my mom's in the room and she might get a bad interpretation." "I really want you to see this." She said. " No, my mom's still in the room, she'll think I'm weird if you turn out the lights." "Darn I really wanted to see your glow in the dark snuggie."

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If Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee got in a fight, who would win? Chuck Norris, since Bruce Lee is dead.

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My lady, that is the backside of trust, I have decided to trust you, how am I supposed to feel about the fact that I believe to the point where I know that you mean everything you are saying? And that if you had any interest in backstabbing me, I would be risking my life, wife and friends. Do you not get trust? If you keep thinking like that, tomorrow you could be suspecting the mailman for being a spy, I can, and could tell you that I will cut ties with my employees, but then I would have you not only to believe me, but to support me financially, I do not need much, in fact, I need you to trust me, and if you do not trust me, what does it matter if I quit? You could accuse me for typing books that alter the mind (all books do), you could accuse me of having killed Nero and taken over... The point is, if you cannot trust me, then I cannot help you with what you ask, and if that is a requirement for our friendship to persist, then you are not looking for a friend, but for a employee.

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knock knock who's there who who who and if u sat something about an owl I'll kick u in the face u fat cike

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops