- Anti Joke

What does the lifeguard do on his free time? Ejaculate.

What happened when the turkey jumped out of the airplane? It fell.

how do you wake up lady gaga? poker face

A Priest and a young child walk into a dark alley.... It leads to a church and he talks to the young boy about God

2 bald men are standing on an oval, one turns to the other and says "leukemia."

why dont you ever run over a black guy thats on a bike? because you will be sewed and also probably have the shit kicked out of you

What did the wall say to the other wall? I didn't say anything because it isn't living and it can't talk because it is impossible.

Whats worse than a rotten tomato. a fridge hitting your baby.

What happens when you turn 70? You have to go into your settings and make the text in your phone larger just so you can read it. What happens when you turn 71? You still have to go into your settings and make the text in your phone larger just so you can read it.

What's the difference between Al Gore and a slab of formica? Many things, most obvious being that Al Gore is a conscious being.

What did the man say to the young, blond athletic girl walking by? "Hi."

Why did the toddler fall in the pool? He was irresponsibly left unattended outside and tripped on the edge of the pool. He died within two minutes and his parents were blamed for his death.

"So there once was this wasp that lived in a jungle. This was not your ordinary wasp though-he was smart, philosophical even. One day he finally got fed up with his repetitive, insignificant life and decided that he would leave his hive, his family, his entire close-knit wasp community and he would go out into the world and make something of himself, just like the humans do. So the wasp enrolls in school, and passes with flying colors. Remember, this is a very smart wasp. He gets his high school diploma in a little under 3 years, with a 4.0 GPA and all that snazz. After high school, believe it or not, the wasp gets accepted to Harvard. Harvard! This too proves to be no challenge for our hero, as he graduates in just two years, again a 4.0, on the Dean's list, and all that snazz. Not to mention all the clubs and sports he was in-the newspaper, rowing, student government-and the fact that he was by far the most popular student on campus. Even his professors looked up to him. He goes on to get two PhDs, and when he finishes his education, the wasp faces a bit of a dilemma. How does he apply his knowledge now? Where does he go from here? He decides to try out politics. After all, he was popular throughout school, did well in Harvard government. So he runs for mayor, and wins in a landslide. He greatly reforms the city, fixing virtually all its major problems. He runs for governor and again wins in a landslide. Two years later, the presidential election was coming up, and the wasp decides he might as well go for it. Of course, he wins in the largest landslide in US presidential history. His presidency goes exceedingly well-he is loved by all parties, and has the highest approval ratings in history. He also finds the cures for cancer, AIDS, and broken hearts while in the White House. After 8 years (yes, of course he was reelected) the time has come for him to leave his office. Even his successor his saddened by the wasp’s departure, but they all know it’s what must be done. Back at his vacation home in California his first day after leaving office, the wasp looks back on his long and fruitful life. He realizes that he hasn't been back to his hive at all since that first day he left. He suddenly feels a twang of guilt as he realizes how much he misses his parents and his little brother. So he heads back to the hive, looking more worn out than he remembers. He goes inside and greets his family, who are overjoyed at the sight of him. He talks about how his life has gone as his family listens in wonderment. Eventually he decides he is thirsty, so he decides to visit the old watering hole he remembered. Once he gets there though, there’s an extremely long line. He decides it’s worth the wait, so gets in line. One hour. Two hours. This is the slowest moving line he’s ever seen! Eventually he calculates that it could be a few days before he gets to the front of the line, so decides it’s not worth it. He decides to go get some cider to drink instead, but waddya know, another huge line of people waiting for cider! He remembers one other drinking area that never had a long line-fruit punch! So he decides to go get punch. He arrives, and lo and behold, there's no punch line."

whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a red corvette? i don't have a red corvette in my garage

You're so vein you are probably a tube that conveys blood from various parts of the body to the heart.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? A vast quantity of things.

Whats the difference between Qantas and Malaysia Airlines? Qantas only looses money.

What do you call black people in a pool? Healthy

What is the best part about having sex with tweny-six year olds. There are twenty of them. ap~pac

Obamacare

Why did the man fall off his bike? Because he wasn't on a bike.

A black man, an arabic man, and a hispanic man are all in a car, who is driving? The black man.

How do you get your children out of a cardboard box? You open the box to see your dead children's corpses

Q: what's green and fluffy? A: green fluff

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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