Two mice fell into a bucket of cream. They both promptly drowned.

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Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet eating her curds and way, along came a spider who sat there beside her and asked, "Hey bitch what's in the bowl?"

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Brandon Bass's career average for assists is 0.7 a game. guess what his nickname is bassy

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Q: Who wants a chick with big breasts? A: Everyone apparently, because chickens are being genetically engineered that way because people are racist about what part of the chicken then want to eat. The white meat or the dark meat. Guess what? Now they can't walk because they are top heavy. And who's fault is that? The people who only eat the white meat.

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What's the capital of Ohio? O

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Row, row, row your... Canoe.

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Q: what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs floating in the ocean? A: A very unfortunate individual.

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What did boy with now arms and no legs get for christmas A pogo-stick

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Ill never forget the last phone conversation i had with my Jewish friend before he died due to the 9/11 incident. Friend:owejpq3jhp3qjopiqwejhriopjhaiophfioashiohwih13ioh3f2893hoiqehefioahfioahisdpahdfajdfopasjiopdfajdfopsajradalkdjakldja;hdfkl;adhlpa;dhfakl;dhkladhkadhlkhdjklahdjkgsdjkgbdqwgy3bi3grqbhgjkasjkdkasjdgjkadgskajgdkajdsgjkasgdad

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what do you call and man that has a twitch every time someone say tissue broken arm, leg, hand, collar bone and there iphone? A mentally and physically demented man that needs serious help from a psychotherapist otherwise matter would get increasingly worse

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saftey torch you can out it on the porch. saftey torch put it in the hallway. saftey torch scare the monsters away. saftey torch that'll be 50 bucks.

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i'll leave 'em dead in the living room. get it leave 'em dead in the living room

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Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: Yeah, these clippers have belonged to my grandfather, father, and me. Bill: Darn, thats quite amazing, I wish I could get a pair of those, but I doubt they still make them. Sean: I'm pretty confident they don't, but you can borrow these anytime. Bill: Thanks Sean thats very generous of you. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

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How do you get 100 midgets into a mini? You have to manufacture a mini big enough to accommodate 100 midgets. It won't be street legal, but at least your problem with fitting the midgets in the mini is solved.

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In Soviet Russia my freedoms are severally restricted by communism.

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Whats the difference between a Bicycle and a duck? They Both have handlebars, except for the duck.

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Elephants can jump higher than the tallest building. You know why? It's because buildings can't jump.

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What's worse than a bee sting? A large number of things ranging from getting stung by two bees to falling off a cliff.

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what did a ginger say to god? nothing gingers dont have souls and therefore cant go to heaven

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Why can't Jeff drive a car? because he is a rock.

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Why do jews get their foreskin cut off? Because they're jewish.

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What's the difference between a blonde and a brunette? The pigmentation of their hair follicles.

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how did the girl with a hook-hand do her hair? She didn't

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Your Mum Is So Dumb, It Took Her 2 Hours To Watch 60 Minutes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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