What's worse than being shot? Being shot twice.

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A mosquito flies into a bar and orders a bloody mary, the bartender then takes out a swatter and kills the pest. Noticing the event, the patrons cheer and continued drinking their frothy beverage. Minutes later, the phone rings and the bartender answers the phone. "Hello?" "Hi, I'm looking for a friend of mine, is he there?" "Let me check, by the way, what's his name?" "Jack Hoff" "One sec. HEY FELLAS(yelling over the noisy bar), IS THERE A JACK HOFF HERE? I NEED A JACK HOFF! ANYONE?" Mr. Hoff, sitting at the bar hears this and asks, "who is it?" "He said he's a friend of yours!" "Which one?" " He said his name's Dick Stroker and he needs help on something hardhe'll meet you around back." "Oh ok, thanks."

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Little goldy locks was walking through a forest and stumbled across a nice cabin. She went inside and ate some newly made porridge and slept on the various beds that were there. The owners of the house came back from a stroll of their own and sued her for breaking and entering.

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What did the horse say to the cow? Nothing because animals cannot speak.

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What do you call a black man walking home in the dark after a long day at work? His name you racist

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Roses Are Red I Have A Phone Nobody Txts Me Forever Alone

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A dying man walked into a shop and started to look at the clothing on display. Then he died.

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What doesn't kill you makes you stronger! Wrong. What doesn't kill you could leave you in a parapledgic state.

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What's the difference between 31 dead hookers and a Lamborghini? One is a traumatizing tragedy that left at least 31 poor families mourning for their loved ones, whom were only trying to make a living in what is a terrible economy and were unable find a better job, and the other is an overpriced sports car.

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Whats the difference between a fish and whale? Ones bigger than the other.

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Hurr durr, I shit my pants.

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A flight attendant walks up to a black man on a plane. She then asks if he would like anything to drink.

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roses are red unless they are the pink ones oh yeah they're also pretty expensive

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What do u call a black man in the middle of a crowd of white men? A rare sighting of a black man trying to go to colledge.

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Whats funnier then a dead baby? A lot of things.

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Why is it easy to steal candy from a baby? Because the baby is smaller, weaker and would not pose any threat.

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A woman walks into a bar and asks for a duck. The bartender is confused, assumes the women has some sort of mental problem, and treats her nicely, as his sister suffers from Down's Syndrome.

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What do you call a black woman who had 4 abortions? A Crimestopper

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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Three blondes are stranded on an island. They all die from starvation.

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Q: What did one muffin say to another? A: Nothing. Muffins don't talk, you idiot.

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Juan got hit by a truck Knock Knock Who's there? Juan's brother coming to stab you in the abdomen.

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Why was Jessica sad? She had just recently run over a few newborn puppies with her car.

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knock knock whos there micheal jackson too soon

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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