What do you call a man with a knife in his back? An ambulance

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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A Mexican walked into a bar. He never came back out.

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Why did the woman drop her keys? She was being raped.

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Why did Lou Gehrig die from? ALS

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If a tree falls on a woman and there's no one around to hear her scream why did a tree fall in the kitchen?

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Knock knock whos there? Underware Underware who? I underware my friends are

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Nuclear Bombs are bad. But erections are good.......as long as they are stroked

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Whats worse then 15 missed calls from your mom?, The Holocaust

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What do you do when life throws lemons at you? Take out your lemon shield and retreat deep into your lemon proof bunker.

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What did Tim's grandma get him for his birthday? Nothing, because Tim's grandma died in a car accident 2 years ago

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What is the difference between a goat? It can neither ride a bike.

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Justin Bieber walks into a bar, has a few drinks, chats with some fans, and leaves. The very next day, Justin Bieber is out buying groceries.

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Roses are red, ill give you a wink, two in the pink, and one in the stink.

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Two horses are playing in a field, One says to the other "Hey, sup" they then continue playing.

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How do you save a drowning Asian teenage boy? You get him out of the water.

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yo momma's so dumb she attended a dyslexic test and was proven mildly autistic.

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What does the Priest say to the little boy? Size doesnt matter

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Why was the blonde sad? Her phone was broken due to an NNEMP.

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Whats the difference between a Corvette and a dead bag of babies. -there's not a Corvette in my garage

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Most of these Anti-Jokes are Anti-Anti jokes, which makes them funny, if they were actually Anti-Jokes they wouldn't be funny at all.

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What did the fish say after he swam into a wall? Dam

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someone says they've been "dying laughing"... no they haven't; they're quite capable of still breathing and functioning in every day life.

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What happened to him after he died? He got buried.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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