A lion, a leopard, a sheep, and a flesh eating New Zealand parrot stalk, trot and fly, respectively, into a bar. The parrot lands on the the sheep's back and begins to tear into its flesh in order to reach the succulent deposits of fatty tissue located around the sheep's kidneys. "Ouch!" Said the sheep. "Why would you do that? Oh, the pain! The pain!" "Squak!", Replied the NZ parrot, wiping blood of its sharp, hooked beak on the counter. "I think," Began the lion, "This parrot from New Zealand is hungry for fat from a sheep's soft, woolly back." The sheep's wool was now damp with blood. "Perhaps this parrot from New Zealand wants sheep fat from its soft woolly back." "Ah!" Said the sheep. "This parrot from New Zealand wants sheep fat from my soft woolly back!" "Yes", Replied the lion. "You could also say..." Started the sheep, "That an NZ parro-" The sheep did not finish his sentence. He died from his wounds. The lion left. The parrot flew off to tear up some windshield wipers. And the leopard stashed the sheep carcass in a tree branch for later consumption.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the blonde say when she found a dead bird on the sidewalk? "Aww, look at the poor dead bird!"

thumb_up thumb_down +7

what rhymes with ham and bread? girl, make me a sandwich

thumb_up thumb_down +7

why was the boy sad? because his mom just punched his hamburger

thumb_up thumb_down +7

I would have made you laugh, but that is not the point is it? Moral: What do you expect from the 4th most pointless invention?

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why was the fat girl a virgin? Good morals

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's white, wet, and salty? Salt that has come in contact with a liquid in the recent past, seeing as the liquid has not evaporated completely from the combination of sodium and chloride yet.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

I don't mind gays unless they shove it down people's throats.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know but some black man is starting up his deep-frier on the other side

thumb_up thumb_down +7

why did the girl fall off the swing? her dad threw a refrigerator jlr

thumb_up thumb_down +7

My girlfriend said she doesn't like anti jokes and now i'm single ha ha just kidding.... she's dead

thumb_up thumb_down +7

what do you call a prostitute with AIDS? Most likely her first name, unless of course you know her and it is normal for you to refer to her by a nickname or some shorter version of her proper first name.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Ben Affleck

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Q: what did one guy say to another guy? A: I don't know!

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Impossible, non-living organisms are incapable of moving and babies lack the brain capacity to understand how to screw in a light bulb.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

-Knock Knock -Who's there? -Dave. -Dave who? -Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why didn't the Jew laugh at the joke concerning his familial genealogy in relation to WW2? He had orofacial paralysis and was therefore physically incapable of expressing joy through the means of his mouth

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")? When a picnic is postponed due to rain, or hired entertainment becomes unavailable at the last minute due to illness, or a book ends badly having started out well.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

If I fly my canoe upstream and a wheel falls off, then how many lollipops does Obama have? None, because dogs can't use flashlights.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

whats black and yellow a chinese with a bruise

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Whats hard and long? An erect penile shaft.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have Alzheimers, Cheese in toast,

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What happened to the little boy who threw a spitball at the teacher? He was killed the next day when the teacher, who had a history of mental instability and schizophrenia, decided to go on a shooting rampage in class.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

whats the difference between ur mom and my mom? nothing i slept with both of them

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops