- Anti Joke

What did the kid with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer

What do you call a man who has been run over by a car? An Ambulance

Whats the difference between a loser and a winner there places

A man goes to the doctor and is told, "you have cancer." He then spends his last days writing a bucket list, but losing his leg in a wood chipper before he could complete a single item on his list

Why did the quick brown fox jump in the lake? He did not see lake on the other side of the lazy dog.

Why couldn't Suzie ride the swings? She got hit by a refrigerator.

Whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a car? I don't have a car in my garage.

what is the difference between a boy scout and a jew? boy scouts come back from camp.

Once upon a time, people died. It was happening all over the land. They didn't LIVE happily ever after... since they died. The end... for them.

Why was the man bad at football? - he is chad henne

How do you get a baby to stop crying? Hit it with a shovel 17 times

how did the woman get her baby to stop crying? she hit him with a axe

why couldn't three people walk? they were a part of the human centipede.

Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

why was the man sad? he found out his wife was man .

Why did Suzy fall off the swing? She didn't. Despite losing her arms in a terrible accident as a child, Suzy persevered to become a renowned gymnast. After several turns as a champion Special Olympian, Suzy retired from sports in order to tour elementary schools as a guest speaker. She inspired thousands of disabled children across North America and was a highly-respected orator. Suzy sadly passed away in 2009 at the age of 62. She is survived by her two lovely daughters, Karen and Michelle.

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

Why did the chicken cross the road? Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

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roses are red, violets are are blue, I have five fingers, the middle one is for you

What is black white green blue and is wet and blind and deaf and homosexual all at the same time? What ever I just described

Q: What's brown and rhymes with snoop? A: Dr. Dre

what do you call an elephant crossing a fish? a elephant fish

KONY 2012! world rises up cheering in spontaneous patriotism for Africa Leader of KONY 2012 arrested for public masturbation

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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