A man and his son cross the street, the man hears a screaming noise and ignores it, the man gets across and notice his wife missing...

thumb_up thumb_down -13

what did the tomato say when he was cut open? nothing, because vegetables are unable to speak

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Chuck Norris doesnt need air to live, Air needs chuck Norris to live. Actaully that statment is a fallacy because it would be fatal to not breathe

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Women's rights

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did the little girl fall off of the swing? Because she has no arms. Why did the little child orphan with no arms or legs get for christmas? CANCER and for his birthday A.I.D.S. R.I.P little orphan

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What did the PC say to the Mac? Nothing you idiot! Computers can't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What's better than winning $5000 a week for life?! Winning any larger sum of money a week for life, and sex.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

anal seepage

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did Betty fall out of the tree? Because she was dead! ????

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Wow! I've seen this joke before!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

why didn't santa deliver any presents this christmas? Because he isn't real

thumb_up thumb_down -13

A horse walks into a bar and orders a drink. What does he order? Nothing. The horse was incapable of speaking English then shat on the floor, kicked over a chair and then left.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Did you hear the joke about the deaf guy ? He didn't.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What do you get when you have 5 Russians, a few 8 year olds, and guns? A kidnapping

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What did Jesus say to the giraffe? Good day to you sir.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why was Hellen Keller a bad driver? She was a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What's the difference between a black cat and a black cat? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Knock Knock! Whos there? The Game!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have a gun! So I KILL YOU!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why didnt little jimmy have a funeral? Because he is still at the bottom of the lake where I put him.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What is the Question to Life, the Universe, and Everything? 43 - 1 = ?

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Q: A plane crashes on the boarder of Mexico and America, where do you bury the survivors. A: You don't because there were none, everyone fucking died!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops