What's purple and tastes like grapes? Grapes

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A seal walks into a club, It proceeds to maul customers and then makes its way back to the ocean where it lives.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No. Well, neither has he.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Well it's goal was to get to the other side however unfortunately a giant gorilla picked up a car; threw it at a nearby building causing it to collapse; setting off a massive explosion causing all of the buildings on that side of the street to collapse. As the whole other side of the street was covered in rubble making it impossible for the chicken to get to the other side, so the chicken decided to turn around and go home.

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What did the DJ play at the disco? What's that coming over the hill Is it a monster? Is it a monster? What's that coming over the hill Is it a monster? Is it a monster? What's that coming over the hill Is it a monster? Is it a monster? What's that coming over the hill? Confused, mind bruised, it seeps out It seeps out, it seeps out Face down, home town looks so grey Looks so grey, looks so grey Convexed you bend, twist and shout Twist and shout, twist and shout Stand up brush off get moving Get moving, get moving What's that coming over the hill Is it a monster? Is it a monster? (x4) Face down, home town, face down, home town Face down, home town, it looks so grey (x4) What's that coming over the hill Is it a monster? Is it a monster? (x4) More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmania.com/monster_lyrics_automatic_the.html All about Automatic The: http://www.musictory.com/music/Automatic+The

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What's the difference between Batman and a black man? Batman is a superhero and the other is just a normal person.

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so a piece of grass is walking down the street..... wait a minute thats not right.

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Ill do a lot more than just try you, anyways, technically I learned to play the piano as a kid, but now I play on a small cheap keyboard (the musical kind) and sincerely, I kinda suck at it now, my abusive parents expected perfection beat the shit out of me blahblahblah, thats really all of it, trauma. My senses, well, when I was a kid I was terrified of gravity (one of the rarest fears in the world) because I had no idea I was consciously shifting things myself. So lets say... If I somehow end up hanging upside down, I just shift it, so my brain believes I am not and I experience no discomfort, there is a lot more to it, ill tell you, damn nose wont stop bleeding and my waifu got a bit scared, she got some bad bronchitis and she still has not recovered a 100 percent, but its just the cough now though... Lets just say that my ability to balance, is about 300-500 percent higher than any regular human, and that I can stand on one leg enough to beat the guiness record book 50 times... ...IIIIF I was in good shape, which I am not.

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i fell like im going to reverse john becase i ate a bikle penis jackson

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A pirate walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "why do you have a wheel in your pants?"

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a jewish man with a boner walks into a wall what does he hit first his cheek due to the fact he was looking at an attractive woman

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Why? I ASKED YOU FIRST!

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Knock knock Who's there? Amy winehouse Amy winehouse who? Amy winehouse died by falling down a flight of stairs.

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What's the difference between a pizza and a jew. One's a tasty delicious snack and the other one's a pizza.

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Your mother lives so loosely that she has several terminal diseases and only has 3 weeks to live.

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How you know that you are flying with a "no frills" airline? There are no meals or films provided, no orange juice to drink during ascent and descent and no mid-flight shop service.

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What's black and white and red all over? A car in which some young hoodlum appears to have splashed a fair amount of red paint over the owner's otherwise charming checker pattern.

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Chad Wolbert is retarded.

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What's black and white and red all over? The dead kitten on the road.

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What is the difference between a pile of dead babies and a ferrari? I dont have a ferrari in my garage.

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What;s worse than finding a worm in your apple? The holocaust.

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Q: What do a dead cat and a flower have in common. A: Nothing, just go away.

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yo mamas so fat she probably has to wear a gerdle when she leaves the house.

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why didn't the boy get his soda Because the cashier shot him

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops