A panda walks into a bar. He eats but then is tranquilized and taken back to the zoo.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did Santa go to a rap concert? Because Santa was a rapper

thumb_up thumb_down +7

"Why the long face?" The bartender asked. "I was born with a severe cleft palette and a jaw deformity. The surgery lets me eat and drink but my parents couldn't afford the cosmetic part of the surgery, the scarring got worse as I grew older. Can I have a beer please?" I replied.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What is the answer to the question of life? Over 9000

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you call a black person on a bike? A cyclist.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did little jonny do when he broke his leg? He proceeded to brake into tears due to the excruciating pain caused by his unfortunate injury.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you call a large group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

why did jimmy win the lottery? WAFFLE

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Where do five gay guys walk? Where ever they want to. This is a free country, where people are free to travel as the please, no matter what their sexual orientation may be

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do yo get when you cross an insomniac,an agnostic, and a dyslexic. A very troubled man.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a refrigerator? Open a refrigerator and you will find food, typically refrigerated food like milk, eggs, you know, stuff like that.... When you open Donald Trump you will be charged with murder.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Your mama is so....well we've been friends since childhood and I know your mother passed away recently. So, as to refrain from being an insensitive jerk to a good friend. I will tell this joke to someone with a mother who is fat, dumb, lazy, ugly, or has a combination of these traits. Or has none of these and happens to be a nice lady with a son/daughter who just enjoys a good mama joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What did the guy say when he found out his girlfriend had a dick I don't think we should date anymore, you have a dick.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

bacon

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What is the difference between a pumpkin and a dead baby? There are thousands of differences between a dead human and the fruit of a pumpkin plant. One of them is that I didn't choke my wife to death with a pumpkin. Another is that pumpkins have a stem.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What did the prostitute get for Christmas Money

thumb_up thumb_down +5

what happen to the popo who got arrested? he told himself that he had the right to remain silent

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why didn't the Orphan finish his lemonade. His legs got chopped off.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

There were two muffins in an oven. They were forgotten about by the baker so they cried, caught fire, burned to death, and formed a medium-sized pile of ashes.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

why didn't the chicken cross the road. Because it was hit by a truck.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What do you call a Chinese person with a computer for a head? Dead because it is impossible for your heart to function with out a brain

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Hey, how much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to drown as a result of climate change.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the quick brown fox jump in the lake? He did not see lake on the other side of the lazy dog.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops