How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Sarah, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and even though she is a little sweaty At the moment, you realize what a beautiful woman she really is. You decide to ask her to marry You, and after she says yes, you two make passionate love in the front seat Of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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A patient goes to the doctor. The doctor says I have bad news and even worse news. The patient says "What's the bad news?" The doctor says "You only have 24 hours to live." The patient says "Oh my gosh what could possibly be worse than that?!" The doctor says "Well...we've been trying to contact you since yesterday..."

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Why did the tornado cross the road? Cuz it's a tornado. Don't question it. Run.

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How many women does it take to change a lightbulb. None, Thomas Edison was a man.

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sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssLOLIAMINTHESIDEBAR:Dyouaregaylol

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What did Batman say to Robin before getting in the car? Get in the car.

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(To the tune of Perry the Platypus) He's a completely retarded Allosaurus of action! A purple dopey dimwit who always giggles away! He never does anything But children's songs he does sing And the little kids squeal whenever they hear him say... *i love you, you love me* He's Barney! Barney the Dinosaur!

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Bob and Joe are talking about how their grandfathers died in the Hulacaust. Bob says "Mine died in the gas chambers" Joe says "Mine got drunk and fell off the guard tower.

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Women's Rights

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What do u call a banana? A banana......

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Roses are red Violets are blue Theres a crazy ass alpaca ready to take a shit on you

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Two Jews walked into a bar. Then bought it.

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Once upon the time.... It was 12 o´clock

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The day the forces of light fight the forces of darkness, we will all live in darkness no matter who wins. Pure darkness will not allow you to see. Pure light will blind you.

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What did the cow say to the farmer? moo

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Who gets more action than my best friend Reese? My raped cousin....

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Why was little Jimmy so sad? Because he was H.I.V. positive

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The Joke Below

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roses are red violets are red everything is red who set my house on fire

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What's brown, no one likes and has had a bad history? Dog poop

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Why was the boy drinking toilet water? Because he was receiving a violent swirly. He then went home and killed himself.

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What do you call a man with no arms, no legs, and only one eye? Dave.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To meet up with his friend that was on the other side.

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why did the plane crash the pilot was a loaf of bread

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops