A man trips on an old bottle. He picks it up and out pops a genie. "I will grant you three wishes!" says the genie. "Whatever you so desire is my com--" "I'm already late for a meeting!" shouts the man. He drops the bottle and continues on.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What's dried up and smells like potatoes? Potato ships and school french fries.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

what can't you see but stalks you all day and night? ME!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -16

knock knock who's there ?

thumb_up thumb_down -16

what time does the japanese guy go to the dentist? well his appointment was for 11:30, so he might show up approximately 5 minutes prior to the appointment time, just to make sure everything goes steadily as planned

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Whats black and hanging from a tree in my backyard? A tire swing

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why didn't the girl paint her nails white? Because in this society, that would be considered racist.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

CAOIMHIN JUST BE QUITE

thumb_up thumb_down -16

When life gives you lemons, you go to a therapist and seek help because your dementia has progressed to the point that you are seeing and feeling illusions.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

How do you get a baby into a bowl? Use a blender. How do you get the baby out of the bowl? Tortilla chips.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

doctor,doctor my eyesight is getting worse, you are certainly right, this is the post office

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why did the girl lie to the priest? because she didn't want to tell him the truth

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What happens if you don't use a condom? The person you are sleeping with may get pregnant or contract some kind of STI or STD. In worse cases you or your partner may contract HIV or possibly AID's.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

death drives to the bus stop where 3 pensioners are waiting for a bus to london, and says GET IN THE VAN!

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Did you hear about the blind carpenter who picked up his hammer and saw? Did you hear about the deaf shepherd who gathered his flock and heard (herd)? If you don't understand these, use your dictionary and look up the words "blind," "deaf," "saw," "heard" and "herd." http://gpsphone-tracker.com/

thumb_up thumb_down -16

How can you tell if a substance is an acid or a base just by looking at it? You can't. pH or Litmus paper would be necessary in order to determine whether a substance is an acid or a base.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Your social life.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Knock Knock Who's there? Sheriff Sheriff who? Sheriff Robinson your husband has died in a local car accident.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why is Finnish taxi driver smiling while driving? He's happy.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

your mother is so fat, she possesses her own orbit

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says "We don't serve your kind here." and then the mushroom walks out.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Yo mama so fat She could die any day.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why did the lebanese man kill his own family? He had cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Q: How did the black man own the Lamborgini? A: He was 2 Chainz.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops