Q. What's long and hard and full of seamen? A. A penis. Oops, I misspelled "semen". Sorry. Also, to clarify, this doesn't describe the normal state of the average penis. Usually they are flaccid, and they can only be said to be "full of semen" at the exact moment of ejaculation.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

thumb_up thumb_down -3

your moms my other ride

thumb_up thumb_down -3

My mate mated with my mate's mate. mated of course meaning fucked.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

My heart is in my hands. Or maybe it's yours. Either way it's mine now. You won't need it anymore.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Rishi is a funny guy, well he thinks he is. true story.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Q: A young friend you met on the internet invites you over to his house. When you arrive, Chris Hansen enters the room. What does he say? A: Welcome to our home

thumb_up thumb_down -3

My kids are mistakes.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

to boys are playing football 1 ses pass tje over ses pass wot

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What do you say when the cheese isn't yours? The cheese does not belong to me.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

if quizzes are quizzical, arent tests testical?

thumb_up thumb_down -3

what's the best way to eat a dead baby? stewed into chili with jalepeno cheddar corn bread on the side

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What is black and white, and red all over? A mutilated penguin.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What has 3 legs? An abnormal human.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Me: Ask me if I'm an orange. You: Are you an orange? Me: No

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Knock Knock Sorry, I'm in a full body cast and can't answer the door.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

You have such a big heart (Girlfriend) The doctor's think dangerously so (Guy)

thumb_up thumb_down -3

If a vegetarian only eats vegetables, then what does a humanitarian eat?

thumb_up thumb_down -3

If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he f**king felt like it!

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Question: How did the chicken get to the other side of the road? Answer: Too find his joint.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What happened when the chicken crossed the road? I got feathers stuck in my cars grill

thumb_up thumb_down -5

These are some questions you should never ask on a first date: When you wipe do you throw your toilet tissue in the toilet or on a trash can? Do you smell your hands after you wipe? Do you you ever look down when you take a dump and see it come out? Have you ever picked your butt and then picked your nose with the same finger?

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops