why can't you hear a pterodactyl pee? Because the "p" is silent

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Q: Why is Santa's sack so big? A: Because he only cums once a year

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What are the two biggest jokes in College Football? Auburn and Florida! Roll Tide!

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Guess what your birth certificate really is. An apology letter from the condom factory.

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What do you call it when you mix a raccoon with an 18-wheeler? A bloody mess on the highway. That smells like cheese

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The last time Jesse saw his **** was the day..........oh wait it's never happened

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How did the polar bear get the bottle of coke? He killed the little boy

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What do you call a partially deaf obese man? Anything you want, it's unlikely that he'll hear you. If he does manage to catch what you said, your chances of outrunning him are very good considering that he's likely to tire before you, unless you're overweight yourself of course. If this is the case then perhaps you should hit the gym, obesity is a growing problem in the Western world and greatly increases your chance of heart disease and/or diabetes.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? John Simons. This joke lacks a punchline. Yes, yes it does.

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What's tan, red, black and brown? Your face. Two days later... In the mausoleum. "Your face"

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Ever heard of the dumb blonde joke? You probably wouldn't get it.

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Knock knock Who's there Banana Bananas can't talk. Crap he's on to me

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Knock Knock. Who's there? (a police officer steps in and says): What is red and green and peed all over? I dont know Im sorry to say, but its your mother. A group of teens killed her and defiled her body with urine. She was wearing green.

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go up to some one and say "i told you it would happen" with a straight face and walk away. it should cause a LOT of confusion.

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Justin Beiber

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Why did the boy go to the hospital? He didn't. Unfortunately the gunshot wound severely injured the boy and he was unable to be revived in time to survive.

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What rhymes with shuck and starts with an f flamethrower

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Here's a little diddy I wrote for One Direction: Now One Direction, don't forget that we all know About the antics that you pull at your own live shows Like you take your own lyrics and give 'em a swerve Now they either make no sense or make you sound like pervs And Liam, why you swiping cameras and phones? What you need a girl's number cause you're crusin alone? And another thing, it's a frickin spoon for God's sake What did this thing impale your puppy with a giant frickin stake? And so One Direction, we now all think That in about a year, y'all are gonna go N*SYNC and disappear cause N*SYNC isn't around any...aw you know!

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a pig ate a hobo, the hobo was a blind rapist from canada

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Q. why are black people so good at sports? A. Hardwork and dedication.

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What happens when you divide by zero? According to the limits in Calculus, 1/x as x approaches 0 becomes closer to infinity, so we can safely conclude that if we could divide by zero, it would be a form of infinity. Positive infinity for 1/0, negative infinity for -1/0 and unsigned infinity for 0/0, as zero has no sign.

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You know what's funny? Lot's of things.

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If life gives you lemons, get some seeds from them and plant them. Then in a few years you'll have a lemon tree. Then take some lemons off that tree and throw them at people saying "Here's your stupid lemons, people".

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Two elephants walk off of cliff.... BOOM BOOM!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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