Why did the chicken cross the road To get to your house Knock knock: whos there? The chicken duh

Why i'm breathing? I don't want die.

Hi my name is Jim

Why did the chicken cross the road? because he was hungry and mcdonalds was across the street

A man dressed in a business suit goes into a doctor's office. He asks the receptionist how much a vasectomy would cost. After a minute of her looking it up on the computer she turns to him and says "The procedure will cost $750." He then thanks her and leaves.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it noticed that there may be foodstuffs on other side.

You know what's funny? A bucket full of dead babies. Do you know what's funnier? The last one is still alive and crying.

Why did the cat explode on the street? Cause i put a grenade in a fridge and then threw it at it.

A drunk man is that last one inside a very popular bar. He passed out on the counter before he ordered a drink. The bartender is angry at a sale lost, which would have been his millionth sale before closing time on the 1000th day of business. He goes home and hangs himself.

"life is like a box of chocolates", except you cant eat life and hocolate doesnt rain on you.

Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know. He values his privacy and will not tell me his motives.

why did the grandpa drop his big mak??? Because an army tank hit him

What did your mom say when Quinn Griffith Randel walked in the door? Hi.

Man 1: Your lifes a joke Man 2: Your talking to yourself Man 1 klled himself Man 2 had cancer

What happened when the Neo-Nazi ran into a group of black people? He listened to their struggles, heard their stories, accepted their diversity and eventually hung up his hateful ways.

How do you make a ninja fly a plane? You put a gun to his head and say fly this plane.

Why could'nt the boy eat peanuts? Because if he did he would proceed to have an allergic reaction, his throat would swell up, he would go into analeptic shock and die.

What happened when the kid tried to hang himself? He was overweight, so the ceiling fan that the rope was tied to fell out of the ceiling. When he explained this to his drunk mother when she got home, she reinforced the fact that he was overweight (his low self esteem was the root of his depression) and beat him. The next day, he just chugged antifreeze. This isn't a true story. Just calm down.

Why did 12 people die when they went to see The Dark Knight Rises movie premiere? Because they were shot and bled profusely resulting in quick, painful death.

What did the man with five penises say? I have 5 penises.

Do you know what Chuck Norris does for a living? He's an actor, I also heard he's quite good with martial arts.

roses are red , violets are blue , sugar is sweet and so are you. the roses are wilting the violets are dead. the sugar bowl is empty and so is your head

I dont know, are you a tomato?

I farted!!!!! t'was smelly??????? I LIKE CRABS! #tomato problems

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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