What's long and hard and full of semen? An erect penis at the climax of an orgasm.

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What did the elephant say to the naked man? "Cute, cute, but can it pick up peanuts?"

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What sits in the corner of a room and gets smaller and smaller? A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler.

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what has 911 got in commen with most bank robberies? all r inside jobs

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A successful, articulate, charming, well mannered, rich, young man walks into a bar.... Every night

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a black man, a Jew, a Chinese man and a polar bear walk into a bar, the bar tender says sorry no animals allowed in the bar, so the polar bear left and the other three ordered some drinks and had a nice time

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You in love with me? Like platonic? Fine, we will move operations elsewhere, you really got to tell me who you are working for someday.

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What is the difference between a pig and a crow? One is a animal that Is butchered to be eaten as a wonderful meat product. And the other is a pretentious asshole bird that no one likes.

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A rooster lays an egg on the tip of a roof. Which side does it fall to? Roosters don't lay eggs

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Why did the boy let the falling brick hit him in the head? He had no legs, so he could not move

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A man walked into a bar.He woke up hours later and went home. By TheRealPaddock

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Yo Mama's so fat Everyone is very concerned for her Health.

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This guys grandma comes to live with him. While shes there she has a stroke. He rushes her to the hospital and waits for her to come out of surgery. The doctor comes out and says "i got good news and bad news" The guy says " give me the bad news" the doctor says "your grandma has had a massive stroke and wont be able to go to the bathroom by herself or eat by herself, so you'll have to feed her baby food and change her Diaper for the rest of her life." So then the guy goes " well shit whats the good news" The doctor goes "Ahh im just kidding she died"

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what is your moms favorite website? Wait did I say mom. Oh I'm not very sorry.

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A guy walks into a bar. He must have been blind or something.

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A man was about to be assassinated. The assassin said "do you have any last wishes? The man said he wished that a meteor would fly down and kill the assassin. A meteor actually did come down but that was predicted years back. The meteor fell on the assassin and killed him, the man, and any living thing aboveground on Earth.

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A. Big feet, you know what that means B. He has to order his shoes on line because they don't carry his size in stores.

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roses are red, violets are purple, some poems rhyme, but this one doesn't

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Q: What's worse than finding out yor girlfriend is a guy? A: He had sex with your dad.

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What did the frog say when it was attacked? Ribbit.

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What did the Amazonian tribesman say to the European explorer? Nothing, he was focussing on eating him.

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What`s the difference between a dead baby and a pencil? I don`t keep a pencil in my backpack

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roses are red violets are blue flowers come in many colors

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-I have an idea! Let's play twenty questions! -Alright! But i have to warn u I have piss running down my leg

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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