How do you make a boy cry? Pour soup on his head.

One day a object is flying overhead in a city and a man in a crowd of pedestrians yells, "It's a bird!" another man yells, "It's a plane!" No one else says anything as they stare at the two men that had become so excited about a possibly seeing a bird or an airplane.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was strapped to the first monkey.

Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's a woman

"Knock knock!" "Who's there?" "Red." "Red who?" "Red any good books lately?" Suddenly, the séance lost credibility.

What's similar between a black man and jelly babies? Nothing

Three guys walk into a bar: a Priest, a rapist, and a pedophile...and two other guys

What do you call a squirrel in my yard? Dead.

"Good Morning, I'm Dr. Pepper" "Like the drink?" "Huh... yes... just like the drink" Would you mind to sit right here Mr..... "Nike" "Oh, just like the shoes" "How do you dare!"

How do you confuse a blond? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.

A baby seal walks into a club.

Do you know what kind of world I dream of? Until you tell me, no I don't. How could I? I'm not telepathic, after all.

Whats slower than molasses? Slightly thicker molasses.

"My father walked out on me." "Oh that's strange because I saw him yesterday and he had no legs."

Mexicans don't use lightbulbs because they can't afford them.

How do rocket scientists exchange greetings? They say "hi"

Roses are red, Violets are red, Tulips are red, As you can tell...a lot of blood has been spilt today.

But I don't use all those things myself Nero, I do however teach people how to use it.

Does an albino chameleon turn different shades of white?

Why is the interesting goat so talented at chess? He's Bobby Fischer's dad.

Why did the old man throw the clock out the window? Because he didn't want to go to a store that could repair it, so then he thought that it was better off on his yard where it could compost.

What did the dog do in the phone booth? Nothing, as dog do not have opposable thumbs and cannot grip objects. The previous user must have left the door open and the dog walked in, only to leave a few moments later.

Faithful men.

What do you say to the man break dancing?? You don't, call an ambulance he is having an epileptic fit.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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