Why did the middle-aged lady have a heart attack? Years of heavy smoking, alcohol abuse and lack of exercise had taken its toll on her body, causing it to age prematurely. @JWest

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What do you call a middle-eastern man flying a plane? A pilot

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What happens when an alien goes out in the rain It gets wet

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hey i just met you and this is crazy but here is my gun so get in the van

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What is the opposite of a joke ? Racism

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Why did the farmer cross the road? To catch the chicken

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KNOCK KNOCK whos there Malcom i dont know any Malcom go away!

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Wanna hear a joke? Me neither.

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How do you kill a domb blond? Shoot her in the head.

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What is small, red all over and gets shorter by the second? A baby cutting its hair with a potato peeler

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What do you get if you mix a baby with a blender? A prison sentence.

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how do you poke a chinese person in the eye? with a credit card!

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Why did the Asian student do well in school? Because he worked hard and studied everyday

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There were two bagels sitting on a table in Denny's. One bagel turns to the other and says, "So how did that job interview go?" The other replies, "It went great, thanks".

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What do you call Jack Black on a bad day? Kevin Hart.

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Did you hear about the man with the bicycle? He was 2 tired.

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A black guy and a Puerto Rican are in a car. Who's driving? Most likely one of the two, because if they were not that would be illegal.

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Why did the german killed the jew? Because he was nazi.

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what did the first fire hi-grin say to the second fire hi-grin nothing they can talk it what just really awkward.

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A black man logs on to facebook. He checks his news feed then logs off

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There are 3 prisoners inside a cage. All the prisoners are blind folded and wearing hats. They are told there are 5 hats all together, 2 blue hats and 3 red hats. If one of them can answer what color hat they are wearing they are all set free. However, they have no idea what color hat they are wearing, only what color hat the other prisoners are wearing. They are also not allowed to tell what color the others are wearing. So the game begins: The first prisoner takes off his blind fold. The guard says "What color hat are you wearing?" and the first prisoner says "I don't know." The second prisoner takes off his blind fold. The guard says "What color hat are you wearing?" and the second prisoner says the same thing, "I don't know" Now the third prisoner didn't even need to take off his blind fold. He already knew the answer. He said, "Sir, I know I am wearing a red hat" The guard smiled and all the prisoners are set free. Why? If the first prisoner saw the other prisoners blue hats then he knows he's wearing a red hat because there are only 2 blue hats and 3 red hats. But he sees one guy wearing blue and one guy wearing red, so he says "I don't know." The second prisoner took off his blind fold and the same thoughts occur. If he saw the other prisoners wearing all 2 blue hats, then he knows he's wearing red. Instead, he sees one guy wearing a blue hat and the other guy wearing a red hat. So he says "I don't know" Now the third prisoner doesn't even need to take off his blind fold. Why? He heard the other prisoners saying they don't know, which led him to believe that all they saw was blue and red hats. That means if he takes of his blind fold he will see that both of the previous prisoners will be wearing blue hats and since there are only 2 blue hats available, he must be wearing a red hat.

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How do you drown a blonde? Weigh her down and throw her into a body of water.

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I have cancer. And you're next.

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What do you get if you put a baby in a blender? An Erection

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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