It was okay, then Alice my friend and a nurse insisted (she can be a total bitch) I take a painkiller, of course that messed up my focus completely and threw off my hypnotic suggestion which I use to shut down the pain receptors. Ironically I cannot seem to shut off my allergy to dust. Oh, yeah it was the standard bullshit Mensa test, ten patterns or something, oh and while I am terrible at trivia, I am actually much smarter than a fifth grader, I mean one kid told me he was smarter because he could do math better than me and he could, so I choked the little bitch to death, who is the smartest one now?

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What did the fish say to the octopus? nothing... fish cant talk.

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A train conducter conducts goes at 60mph, when he goes under a bridge he goes at 52mph. When he goes over a hill he goes at 47mph. If he goes under 3 bridges and over 6 hills what did the conductors mother eat for dinner that night. Nothing, after many months of suffering she died from Huntington's disease.

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What did the man say when he had sex for the first time "So how come I'm the one with the vagina"?

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting stabbed.

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Why did the hooker fall out of the tree? Because she was dead

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Three guys walk into a bar. The four man hastily ducks, grabs his phone and calls the local paramedic.

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Mary had a little lamb, The nurse and midwife fainted. Because last year she met a ram, And they got too acquainted.

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What do you call a man who does not burst into tears after hearing that his mother has died? A person that has been desensitized by today's cruel world and society.

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A man sits on the toilet to take a shit And is surprised to find the next door neighbours dog in the toilet.

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What's the only thing better than winning a gold medal in the special olympics? Not being retarded.

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Why did the girl fall off of her swing? Because she had no arms.

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roses are red, violets are blue. you've got Alzheimer's, it sucks to be you

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Do you know how I know you're gay? 'Cuz your dick taste like shit.

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Three muffins are walking next to each other in the dessert. The muffin on the right says "Hey now it's my turn to walk in the middle!"

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Why did little tommy fall in the well. Because he grew tired of his life of brutal Beatings and starvation, so he jumped.

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Your mom is so ugly that she had self-esteem problems and severe depression as a teenager due to merciless bullying due to her looks, however she overcame this, found a man who loved her for who she was, and then married him. She now lives a happy life.

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Knock knock? Who's there? You have cancer.

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Chuck Norris has a chin under his beard.

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Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death

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Why did the horse insult the postage stamp? He didn't. Horses can not speak English nor can anything verbally or physically critique a postage stamp and make it feel any emotional distress.

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How did the drug addict die? He got shot in a drive-by.

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Ask me if I'm a cucumber. Are you a cucumber? No.

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Girl you must be Jamaican...because you're black and annoying.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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