Why was the tree sad? Because a bird shat on it.

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Why do cow say moo? Because you touch yourself at night

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Q. what tall and looks like a jew? A.TODD

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What sits in the corner of a room and gets smaller and smaller? A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler.

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What did the elephant say to the naked man? "Cute, cute, but can it pick up peanuts?"

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What's long and hard and full of semen? An erect penis at the climax of an orgasm.

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put my sausage in your oven

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A successful, articulate, charming, well mannered, rich, young man walks into a bar.... Every night

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what has 911 got in commen with most bank robberies? all r inside jobs

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You in love with me? Like platonic? Fine, we will move operations elsewhere, you really got to tell me who you are working for someday.

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a black man, a Jew, a Chinese man and a polar bear walk into a bar, the bar tender says sorry no animals allowed in the bar, so the polar bear left and the other three ordered some drinks and had a nice time

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What is the difference between a pig and a crow? One is a animal that Is butchered to be eaten as a wonderful meat product. And the other is a pretentious asshole bird that no one likes.

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A rooster lays an egg on the tip of a roof. Which side does it fall to? Roosters don't lay eggs

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Why did the boy let the falling brick hit him in the head? He had no legs, so he could not move

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A man walked into a bar.He woke up hours later and went home. By TheRealPaddock

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Yo Mama's so fat Everyone is very concerned for her Health.

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This guys grandma comes to live with him. While shes there she has a stroke. He rushes her to the hospital and waits for her to come out of surgery. The doctor comes out and says "i got good news and bad news" The guy says " give me the bad news" the doctor says "your grandma has had a massive stroke and wont be able to go to the bathroom by herself or eat by herself, so you'll have to feed her baby food and change her Diaper for the rest of her life." So then the guy goes " well shit whats the good news" The doctor goes "Ahh im just kidding she died"

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A black guy stands outside the Tigers stadium with a cigar and tries to sell tickets... noone buys them... I have a comlplete raging boner and I'm gonna go beat off!

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There was a golfer at the field where people usually golf. he had a golf club. so did the man next to him. The man i spoke of first hit the guy that was next to him with a golf club. Why? because he was angry at the man for shoving socks down his daughters throat and extracted her eyes with a melon scooper. This should not be humorous, the girl got blood and eye juice on her fathers new shoes when she came home.

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what is your moms favorite website? Wait did I say mom. Oh I'm not very sorry.

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A guy walks into a bar. He must have been blind or something.

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50 gay man and a homophobe are in a nightclub in Florida ...you know how the rest goes.

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A man was about to be assassinated. The assassin said "do you have any last wishes? The man said he wished that a meteor would fly down and kill the assassin. A meteor actually did come down but that was predicted years back. The meteor fell on the assassin and killed him, the man, and any living thing aboveground on Earth.

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A. Big feet, you know what that means B. He has to order his shoes on line because they don't carry his size in stores.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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