My girlfriend told me I couldn't satisfy her sexually. I told her she was beautiful and gave her flowers.

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why did the black man start crying? because his ancestors were treated horribly

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There's a donut on a cruise ship and he goes up to the captain and he's like "hey captain can I drive the cruise ship" and the captain goes "nope, come back tomorrow" so the next day the donut goes up to the captain and says "hey captain can I drive the cruise ship" and the captain replies "nope, come back tomorrow" so the next day the donut goes up to the captain and he's like "hey captain can I drive the cruise ship" and the captain says "NO!" and throws him over board Theres a couple on the cruise ship and the man was going to have a romantic dinner with his girlfriend and propose. So he was showing his bestfriend (who was also on the cruise ship) the ring. But was he pulled it out the wind picked up and the ring fell over board. So the man was forced to have a romantic dinner with his girlfriend and couldn't propose. So they go to dinner and the both get crab. And when they open up the crab and guess what's in the crab?! Not the ring the donut!!!

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Why are asians such bad drivers? Cause they constantly have their eyes closed.

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Why was the man denied access to the college Because he did not have good grades in the past.

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Hey i just met you and this is crazy but your adopted banana

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What's the difference between a radio and a bowl of potato salad? If you put batteries on a radio you can turn it on and listen to some music. If you put batteries on a bowl of potato salad it's not gonna give you any music.

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As I sat waiting for the doctor to return with my final prognosis, I began contemplating my own mortality. Looking inside myself, one question continued to haunt me: “What’s the X-ray technician going to do when he walks in and sees me messing with the equipment?”

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Noooooooo...

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Why did jimmy fall off the swing? He had no arms or legs Knock knock Who's there? Not jimmy

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So a Priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into the bar... And got drinks. What did you think was going to happen?

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What did the boy with no arms or legs get for christmas? X box Kinect

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What do you do when your wife is about have a baby? Throw her off the balcony go into parking lot and reach into her mouth if you feel a leg stab her in the belly button untill her intestines are coming out and burn the body singing Elmo's world

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Whats wrong with me? Your alive.

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I have a joke Who is better, Kobe or Lebron? Kobe. But I lied, that wasn't a joke.

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poopy is poopy

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Q: what do you call a person who's ass is dumb A: a dumbass

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What do you call a Jew with 20 Pounds of Pennies? A rich man

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A loving father took his two children to the park for a picnic. while the children went into the lake for a swim he drowned them both

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what did the apple say to the orange? -- NOTHING! APPLES DO NOT TALK!

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What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? A= Were both lawyers! What happens every sixty seconds in the us? A= a minute passes!

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How do you put an elephant in a fridge? Open the fridge door and place the elephant inside. How do you put a giraffe in a fridge? Open the fridge door, remove the elephant, and place the giraffe inside. There is a party at the zoo. All of the zoo animals attend, except one. Which one? The giraffe, because he is in the fridge.

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What did one skeleton say to the other? Nothing... Skeletons don't have vocal cords

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It's not illegal, it's just frowned upon... like... masterbating on an airplane.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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