What do Barbra Streisand and Danny Glover have in common? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A Jew walked into a bar and his cat died of aids

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What do you call a black man? A normal human being

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A baby walks into a bar and the bartender says.... Where is your mom?

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What do you get if you cross a goat with a horse? Long letters of complaints by animal rights groups

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What did the disabled kid do on friday? He fell down a flight of stairs.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

One linners President Kinnedy did you like the parade President Lincon did you like the play

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Bill goes and buys 45 watermelons, what does he have? 45 watermelons.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why did the math student refuse to do his geometry homework? Straight lines do not exist, so there is no real world application to any geometric shape.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why did the chicken cross the road? There was a worm on the other side. And the more pressing question is why do i watch a chicken in my free time

thumb_up thumb_down -16

what sucks blows and gets laid in the closet. YOUR MOM VACUMING

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Q: If I have 5 pencils, and you have 3 spoons, how many pancakes will stick to the ceiling? A: Purple, because aliens don't wear hats.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

If the blue dog falls out of sample object, how many bananas does my mom eat? No, because markers can't talk

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A white horse walks into a bar and orders a bitter. The bartender says "Hey, do you know we've got a drink named after you?" The horse says; "Eeek! A talking cow."

thumb_up thumb_down -16

So a jelly bean walks into a bar. The bartender asks him "whatchuu doin here jelly bean" the jelly bean doesn't respond and sits there awkwardly because he neither speaks English nor has the brain capacity to move or breathe. The bartender closes the store and comes back the next day to find the bean in the same awkward position.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Let's ride bikes!!

thumb_up thumb_down -18

An alligator crawled into a bar Animal control is promptly called and he is released in a nearby lake

thumb_up thumb_down -18

why do german shower have eleven holes? jews have 10 fingers

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What did the little boy get from his parents on Christmas? Nothing. His parents died 2 nights before in a tragic car crash.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Some say Helen Keller can't write a good book. You know what she said? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why couldn't the boy see the pirate movie? Because it was sold out

thumb_up thumb_down -18

why did the chicken cross the road? because he wanted to prove he wasn't chicken

thumb_up thumb_down -20

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer walk into a bar. They order some drinks, sit quietly and stare at their shoes until they've finished their drinks, then go back home and wallow in loneliness, wishing their social skills weren't so abysmal.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops