Knock! Knock! Who's there? Russel. Russell who? Russell Johnson. Oh, come in.

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What did the pilot say to the female flight attendant? He told her to never tell his wife about the time they spent in mexico or he'd bludgeon her to death with a hammer.

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Why should you never attempt to rob Chuck Norris? Because he will beat you up as he knows self defense.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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What did the little boy want to be when he grew up? A cone

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What do you call a blackjack man driving a car? An average citizen.

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How did the fireman get to the police station? He massacred his wife and children.

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What do a bike and a duck have in common? They both have handlebars except for the duck.

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What do you call a hamburger with nothing inside of it? A virgin.

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What do you get when you cross two things that are seemingly unrelated? A play on words.

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What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? Neil Armstrong WALKS on the moon. Michael Jackson rapes little boys

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Yo momma so fat, when she turns around, people give her a welcome back party!

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When is the best time to wear a striped sweater? All the time.

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What's green and has wheels? Grass I lied about the wheels

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Huffing glue only becomes a problem when you get stuck on it

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Why did the man cross the road? He was in a state of depression and chose to commit suicide.

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What would you do for a klondike bar? Pay for it, eat it and then proceed on disposing the packaging of the klondike bar

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Roses are red Violets are blue Tulips are yellow Grass is green

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What do you call two black people in the same sleeping bag? A newly married couple on their camping adventure honeymoon.

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A newly wed couple is at the beach and the wife asks for sunscreen and the man says he forgot it in the car. He goes to the car only to find that the car had been broken into. He goes to call his wife and they go back to the car only to find that the car had been stolen. #Turns out the thief broke the window to steal the car but saw the owner coming and hid behind a bush and upon the man going to call his wife he continued with his mission

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What's green and has wheels? Nope, it's a car.

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead walked into a prison. A gang stopped them, and said: Hey, want to play a game? Before they could run away, the gang leader told them the rules. You go over there and stand by the wall. You close your eyes, and then we fire a shotgun in your direction. The last one alive wins. They push the brunette onto the wall. She closes her eyes because she knows she's about to die and doesn't want her friends to see her crying. The gun goes off, and she falls to the ground, dead. They pull away her dead body. They decide it's the redhead's turn next. They move her onto the wall. Being the brightest one in the bunch, she tries to keep her eyes open. However, she blinks. The gun goes off, and she falls to the ground, dead. They pull away her dead body. Then the blonde bursts out laughing. "Your friends are dead. And you're about to die. Do you find that funny?" They ask. She answers. "No. It's just- I won the game!"

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What does a homeless man get for Christmas? A gun to kill himself with

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Q: Why do all Asians have small penises? A: They don't.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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