How do you make a baby understand what you want? You color yourself purple, wear a yellow shirt, and do cart wheels while singing "The wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round!"

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A shoemaker walks into a bar holding a shoebox with only one shoe inside. The bartender gives him a drink and asks "Say mister, why are you carrying that shoebox with one shoe?" The shoemaker says "Well sir, it's a long story." The bartender says "Okay, give me the short version." The shoemaker says "Okay, long story short, I'm not really a shoemaker." The bartender asks "Well buddy, what are ya?" The shoemaker gets up from his chair and says "I'm a guy missing shoe."

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Why did Biggie Smalls eat so much dark chocolate? His doctor suggest that he eat foods high in fiber.

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You can pick your friends you can pick your nose but you cant pick your friends nose.

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I got 99 problems, and most of them involve my terminal illness.

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Is Barack Obama a dentist, a teacher, or the president of the United States? A dentist. He just happens to have the same name as the president.

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What's better than a stick? A stone

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sky silverstein

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what is purple and smells like poop? very weird looking poop

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1,000 people get out of a plane , who hits the ground first? The DEAD guy!!!!

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Yo mama's so fat, she died of a mixture of obesity and type 1 diabetes.

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer

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What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut.

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What do black people eat? What everyone else does!

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A farmer accidentally trips his wife. She falls down the stairs and the farmer is quickly arrested for murder.

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Why did Suzie's friend put rubbish in her mouth? Because Suzie is a rubbish bin.

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so there is a 13 year old boy who got left home while the rest of his family was driving to colorado, so the police comes to his door, and says son your whole family has just died in a plane accident. And the boy says, but my family was driving. . . the policeman then says, i'm aware, the plane actually hit their car and only killed your family.

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How do you circumcise a cat? Shoot an orphan in the leg with a rail gun.

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Why did the girl make a sandwich for her boyfriend? Because she offered to make lunch in order to save money by not going to a restaurant.

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What happened to the black man when he was hit by a truck? He died.

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SPILL THE BEAAAANNSSSS

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What did the Farmer say when he lost his tractor? "Where's my Tractor?"

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Why didnt the boy finish the race? Becuase he stepped on a land mine.

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What's worse then getting followed by a creepy man in a van? Getting followed and raped by a creepy man in a van.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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