My house is on fire I'll probably die posting this joke

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did Johnny fall of the Swing?? Because i hit him with a shovel

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What's the difference between a melon? One of its halves are both the same.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Two men walk into a bar. The first man says to the bartender "I'd like some h2o". The second man says "I'd like some h2o to". The second man died.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What's red and has two legs? Half a cat!

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a tomato.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What's the worst part of being a black Jew? That is a very uncommon combination of race and religion, therefore causing obvious confusion.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

You know why one side of the "v" formation of a flock of geese is longer don't you? Cause it has more geese in it.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

thumb_up thumb_down +11

That Rachael chick needs to get back in the kitchen

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Two cows were in a feild, one said "moo" and the other said "i was going to say that!"

thumb_up thumb_down +11

what has 2 legs and red all over half a cat.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

whats better than nailing a baby to a wall? Ripping it off the wall.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did the black man get for christmas? A present.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did the black kid get for Christmas? Presents

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Black people are like jelly beans. Nobody likes the black one's.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

There are two jews in an oven. One says "It sure is hot in here" and the other says "AHH A TALKING JEW"

thumb_up thumb_down +11

how do you get a clown off a swing. hit it with an apple in his nuts

thumb_up thumb_down +9

whats the same about a donkey and a horse? They are from the same animal classification group.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

why did Lucy fall down? she got hit with a hammer

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What is green and smells like paint? Grass, it doesnt smell like paint, I lied.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why does Michael J. Fox always have his martinis shaken? He thinks they taste better that way.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

I fantasize about having sex with a moose

thumb_up thumb_down +9

In which state does the Mississippi River flow in? Liquid.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops