What did the dying man say to his friends? Nothing. He had no friends.

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what kind of road kill is green and smells like cookies?

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? I do not know because it depends on the woodchuck; however, if some statistical evidence is gathered on the average amount of wood a woodchuck could chuck you most likely would get a close answer, considering that the statistical research was not flawed.

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knock knock who's there? nobody. then why are you knocking?

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

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Two men were patients at a mental institution. One was named Dave, the other named John. Dave very quietly said, "Hello, my name is Dave, and I have a violent form of phonophobia, so please do not-" "DICK!" Dave promptly strangled John. John had Tourettes Syndrome.

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wh did a man all of his bike? It was a wet and slippery day, he had a lack of control and concentration

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Red are roses Blue are violets Dyslexic am I.

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How many dead babies can you fit in the trunk of a car? Any number if compressed sufficiently. At neutron star density all babies in the world would fit.

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Malcom: Knock Knock. Jessica: Who's there? Malcom: It's Malcom. Jessica: Okay. Come in.

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A man approaches an attractive young woman at a party. He asks her if a rag smells like chloroform and proceeds to hold the rag up to her face. She passes out, the man takes her into a nearby bedroom and rapes her. He casually leaves the party. He will most likely continue this vile act for years to come.

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What did the talking muffin say to the other talking muffin? Ah! A talking muffin!

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Why did the pig cross the yard? Because the helicopter was chasing him.

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What did the jew say to hitler? SURPRISE!! IM YOUR NEW DADDY

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I have a joke Who is better, Kobe or Lebron? Kobe. But I lied, that wasn't a joke.

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What's clear and looks like water? Water.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? Sally had no arms. Knock knock. Whose there? Not Sally.

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What's worse than a monkey attack. Nothing monkey attacks absolutely blow.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sky diving? I don't know, but that sounds like a highly improbable circumstance.

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Why was Justin Beiber Booed off the stage. Because I spelt his last name incorrectly.

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What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye-patch? Names.

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What did the disrespectful cow say to his parents? Mooo. I hate you both

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Why is it good to date twenty eight year olds? Because there is twenty of them.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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