What is a pirates favorite crime? Piracy, which is still a serious problem in today's society.

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what is funnier than one dead baby in a dumpster? There is nothing funny about the homicide of a minor, and the murder should be immediately investigated.

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How do you make Jacob cry? Take away his xbox

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Why did the guy run out of the whorehouse? Because when she spread her legs it looked like she was pulling apart a grilled ham and cheese sandwich.

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A duck walks up to a lemonade stand, as asks the man running the stand, "Hey, got any grapes?" The man suffers a heart attack from the shock of a talking duck

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A man calls his 23 year old nephew on a Saturday night. He's calling him, in order to apologise for molesting him when he was younger. As he could no longer live with the guilt and shame. They both start to cry on the phone. The nephew hangs up " I can't do this.." The man receives an email from his boss, saying " Lisa told me she's still waiting for your analysis on the new federal cuts and how they're going to affect us. Please send them asap."

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Why do showers have 11 holes? Because Jews only have 10 fingers

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What do you call white people on a bench? NBA What do you call black people on a bench? RTA

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she was deaf and blind, which both make it very unsafe for her to drive.

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person 1: don't look person 2:Why person 1:because my shirt not on and my boobs are jiggiling

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What do you call a fish with no "i's"? A blind fish.

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What did the hose say to the sprinkler? I'm gonna squirt you.

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Do you know why, when geese fly south for the winter, one side of the V is always longer than the other? Because there are more birds on that side.

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when geese fly in a v formation, why is one side always longer then the other? Because you touch yourself at night...

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A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim are on a plane to France. When they arrive in Paris one will go visit a friend who recently found inspiration in the many magical streets of the city and is in the middle of a year abroad. Another will search for a job and home to support himself and any future family that he might choose to have in the future. The last will check into a hotel and proceed to have a wonderful time seeing all the sights that Paris has to offer.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, The first line is spelled wrong, Ha, I tricked you

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life is like a rapist. sometimes they're nice other times, they ram you in the ass.

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What did the elephant say to the naked man? "Cute, cute, but can it pick up peanuts?"

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put my sausage in your oven

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Hi, my name is Mark and I have dead babies in my garage... Just kidding. My name ia not Mark.

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Knock Knock? Why did you just say knock knock just ring the doorbell

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Knock knock who's threre me, I kill you

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because there happened to be road in the vicinity of the fowl and the odds of the bird crossing it is very high.

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What's the difference between a Pile of Dead Babies and a Lamborghini? I don't have a Lamboghini in my garage

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops