Your mother is so obese that she has over the recommended daily calorie intake on a regular basis.

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A kid walks in to a bar. The bartender asks the boy where his parents are and he replies that he does not know. They call the police who proceed to try to contact the boy's parents. They have gone missing so the boy must go up for adoption. He gets adopted by an abusive family and runs away. Without a family, job, or money, he could not afford a house. He lived alone in a box until he died of starvation.

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What's tiny and smells like a big banana? A tiny banana

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Noses are red, Lips are blue, I have hypothermia, So do you.

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Why did the black man offer the girl flowers? It was his niece's birthday.

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What's worse than celery stuck between your teeth? A cruise ship stuck between your teeth.

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When is a door not a door? When it is thrown away. Then, it will likely decompose in a landfill or be recycled into another product. In either case, it will no longer be a door.

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What do you call a chicken who eats chicken. Cannibal

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"Wise old man, what is the meaning of life?" "I don't know why do people think old people are so wise these days?"

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How do u get a dog to sit? Teach it to sit then tell it to sit.

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I'm a wise old man, so I'm aloud to touch you in the bathing suit area.

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If you want to make the little things count, teach midgets maths!

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"How high are you?" "I don't know, sir." "Well, look at the god damn altimeter."

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What is red and fluffy?... Your teddy bear covered in blood...

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Whats worse than getting hit in the face with an axe? Getting hit in the face with two axes.

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What do you get when you cross a stream with a prostitute? A wet hooker.

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how much fish could a chicken

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how do you get a clown to fall off a swing? hit him with an ax

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What do you tell a woman who claims that she is going to yell "fire" in a crowded movie theater? That doing so could result in serious injuries or even death, and that she would be wise to reconsider her future options, as she could be held responsible for any and all problems that arise.

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Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito is a common insect in the family Culicidae. A blonde on the other hand is a Homo sapien, a primate species of mammal with a highly developed brain, belonging to the family of great apes, along with chimpanzees, bonobos, gorillas, and orangutans

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As I sat waiting for the doctor to return with my final prognosis, I began contemplating my own mortality. Looking inside myself, one question continued to haunt me: “What’s the X-ray technician going to do when he walks in and sees me messing with the equipment?”

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Why could the grandma chew? She couldn't she had no teeth

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How do you spell orange? O-R-A-N-G-E-U-D-U-M-B-A-S-S

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Why did jimmy fall off the swing? He had no arms or legs Knock knock Who's there? Not jimmy

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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