if john has 400 cookies and eats 300 what does he have left? diabetes

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what did the philosopher say, when he considered the transient nature of life in relation to ones own personal and egocentric grasp upon circumstance and purpose? massive erection.

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Did you hear about the dyslexic atheist? He didn't believe in santa.

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What do you call Anne Franks life? A big game of hide and go seek.

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Whats worse than the holocaust? Sex with helen keller.

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What did the man say to his wife while having sex? I don't know.

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Q: what did the emo girl use to check her email? A: A computer.

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What did the kid say to the ice-cream Man Can I have a duck please

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Knock Knock Who's there It's me open the door

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what did the oven say to the firdge you hot baby

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Pickup line: Hey babe, do you know what time it is? Because I don't wanna be late for class and if you told the time, it will surely help me because I'll be able to arrive early at my class not to mention it would greatly improve my punctuality efforts to help me pass the class this semester. Geez, I remember back in middle school there was a guy name Billy Jones and he used to always be late for class. His name was Billy but we called him Bill. Bill was his nickname but his real name was Billy. Anyways, he was always late for class because he would always make the best barbecue ribs in town.... (45 minutes later...) ....and I told Bill, "Man, if you were to just ask what time it was it would greatly help you in arriving to class early." And he was was like "I know but..."And then I cut him off and I said "But nothing. I don't care what kind of barbecue ribs you make, you just can't do that." So there I was, me and him, sitting down and .... (3 hours later...) ...it was awesome. Boy, I remember back in the early 90's when I was at elementary school, it was a stormy weather and we had to go to class. That's when I met Clarissa. She was a really nice girl and I remember there was a time when... (to be continued....)

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On Wednesday night, a drunk man was walking on the cliffs of dover. his funeral was saturday.

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Q: Suzy loves apples, she will do anything to get her hands on an apple. Why didn't she eat Tom's apple? A: She ate someone elses apple and then he killed her before she could get to tom's!!!

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A guy punched himself. He then said ouch.

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The chickens have become self-aware!

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Why did the koala fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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it was 3 am in the morning and i was stopped by 2 black men in an alley. we said hey to eachother and went along

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roses are red, violets are blue, get on your knees ho, and stick to me like glue.

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Diana- hey i havnt seen you all summer. Whaaat did you do over the summer? Paul- contract HIV Diana- ...oh ...

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why is the spine-tailed swift the fastest bird? because its faster than the second fastest bird.

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What did the bank clerk say to the robber when he demanded all the money in the drawer? "Okay."

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Man goes to the doctors, says doctor, im depressed. ive tried everything but i just cant see the bright side of life anymore, it seems empty to me, like theres no point in existing. The doctor certifies the man as clinically depressed and alerts the relevant authorities.

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What do you call a black person doing labor for other people? A good friend.

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What's special about an Irish Parachute ? It's made in Ireland.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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