A baby seal walks into a club. He immediately escorted out because babies are not allowed in clubs.

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Why was the man denied access to the college Because he did not have good grades in the past.

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I am a schizophrenic, so am I.

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How do you make a plumber cry? I'm sorry but our princess is in another castle.

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Q.How many blonds does it take to change a light bulb? A.1

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your momma is so fat that when she steps on the scale it shows that she is overwhieght

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What's black and white, and red all over? Nothing, those two events are mutually exclusive of each other.

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What do you call a black man on the moon - A Problem What do you call 5 black men on the moon - A Bigger Problem What do you call every black person on the moon - Problem Solved!

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A new born baby is left alone in his crib after a long day of playing, He gets taken out of his crib for his first meal with his grandparents, he is excited, His grandparents come in and after the usual praising of the child they sit down for dinner, They are having chicken, His mother puts the spoon to his mouth, He chews it and swallows it, It gets stuck in his throat and he suffocates and dies.

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How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? The woodchuck's ability to chuck has been left indeterminable. Therefore until the wood chuck's prowess in wood chucking is brought to light we must leave it a variable. Using the coefficient (L) to represent wood that can possibly be chucked. Then using (C) to represent the life cycle of said wood chuck chucking. We are also assuming this woodchuck will remain vigilante and not require food or sleep for the entire duration of chucking ultimately lowering is maximum chucking output. From this we can determine the W.C.P.S. (wood chucks per second). Finally subtract the remaining wood (RW) from the chucked total and we have rendered that : L(W.C.P.S) - (C -RM/t) = X

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What did the cat say to the dog? Meow

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What do a fish and an eagle have in common? They both live underwater aside from the eagle.

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Q: What did the Jewish man get for Christmas? A: Nothing, he's Jewish.

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How do you make a plumber sad? You kill his family.

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, My vagina is Red, Im on my period.

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Why was the old man climbing the flag pole? Because he had Alzheimer, and he was losing his grasp of reality.

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Why isn't Hellen Keller a good driver? She's dead.

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Whats worse than the Holocaust? Two Holocaust Whats worse that two Holocaust? Dane Cooks Comedian act

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What did the blind man say to the fish store owner? I would, 1 fish please.

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? Cue annoying little kids saying WHAT!!!!!!!!! A: To check out all the chicks

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What do you do when life gives you lemons? You eat them.

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If I was trapped in a closet with you and a bear, and I only had two bullets, I would shoot you twice!

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A woman walked into a college.....which wasn't suprising because she never learned to read

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A jew goes into a church. Yolo.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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